UNC may lead the nation in points and assists per game, but despite what Dickie V. says, a team that commits 4 turnovers in their first 5 possessions (23 overall) and is unable to take a game-winning field goal attempt in 18.2 seconds is simply not a team that should strike fear in the hearts of opponents — let alone be touted as a potential National Champion. More importantly, I finally figured out that Nikki Capelli is not the real name of the Super Bowl GoDaddy.com spokeswoman. And you know what that means…
Wednesday night was a pivotal and educational night in the college basketball world. And while Candice Michelle, who you may recognize from various Playboy, Lingerie Bowl or WWE appearances, provides the eye candy — I’ll share what was learned.
First, any fan hopeful for a #1 tournament seed, including those of the Illini, should embrace and be thankful for Duke’s 71-70 win over North Carolina — which ESPN will no doubt get additional mileage out of by deeming it an Instant Classic. A replay I might have to Tivo, if only for more moments shared with the cute blonde they kept showing in the right corner of the shots from Franklin Street in Chapel Hill. Was that really necessary, by the way? The Blue Devils are doing all they can to squash the media hype most of you are long past tired of that touts Duke-Carolina as the greatest rivalry in all of sports. In most rivalries, either team is occasionally capable of winning. Duke has now won 10 of their last 11 vs. Carolina, and Coach K now holds a 1-6 career lifetime record over Roy Williams. In other words right about now, Roy is bringing Coach K’s paper in and asking him what he’d like for breakfast.
The fact is the win distances Illinois from the rest of the pack and for the first time I can envision a scenario where they take a walk-in-the-park to the Final Four. Specifically, the Orange Crush may not even have to go through an airport to follow their team’s road to the Final Four through Chicago, Indianapolis and St. Louis. A ridiculous home court advantage could be realized throughout March. Illinois has already proven themselves on the court vs. Wake Forest, a team that remains among the nation’s best. If Duke’s defense results in 23 Carolina turnovers — Dee Brown and Company could easily force 30 against the Baby Blue. Regardless of their inflated rankings and undeserved seeds, both Kansas and Kentucky will enter the NCAAs vulnerable to an upset. This could be the year we see perfection. No pressure.
That said, Shelden Williams has avoided foul trouble all year long. Post-mono Shavlik Randolph at 20 minutes per game is much better than any version of his pre-mono self. DeMarcus Nelson is quickly becoming the third viable wing option to compliment J.J. Redick and Daniel Ewing and humbly match-up with the best 3-guard lineups the nation has to offer. As of now, Oklahoma State and Syracuse are the other two teams I’d throw in the mix of a Final Four discussion without a legitimate bracket to consider.
We also learned:
– Dick Vitale can smell a spurt
– Redick occasionally misses
– 7 deep is plenty for Coach K
– Raymond Felton is no Dee Brown
– Deb from Napoloeon Dynamite was also the pygmie-lookin’ girl from Kevin Costner’s Waterworld
– For those of you that didn’t see Waterworld, she was also the pygmie-lookin’ older sister in Andy Garcia/Meg Ryan’s When a Man Loves a Woman
– Steve Lavin should stick with the wet look
– Lavin, Matt Doherty, Shannen Doherty, and any of the chimps from the Career Builder commercials are all suitable candidates to immediately replace Quin Snyder (fresh off his vote of confidence from the A.D.) as Head Basketball Coach at the University of Missouri
– Bruce Weber isn’t smart enough to simply dye his tighty-whities orange
– The redheaded Desperate Housewife is not the one most likely to appear on the next Ellen Degeneres Show — allegedly
– Tonight will be the most dramatic boardroom and girl-on-girl kiss yet —- though not on the same channel
– Bobby Hurley has 3 full years to focus on his comeback in time for Coach K’s 2008 Olympic Dream Team
Do you believe in Miracles?
I enjoyed the final play that Roy Williams “drew up” for UNC. Apparently the play was for McCants to blow by Ewing and then stop, you wouldn’t want an uncontested 12 footer for the win, so you throw it to #34 (who is that, JR Reid) and he kicks it around, then the clock runs for more than a second after the ball goes out of bounds and refs all look at each other and you can literally see them all think, “Screw it, it’d be Duke’s ball anyway.”
It’d have been nice if Vitale and Nessler and bitched about the heat some more. You get paid to sit and talk about basketball, suck it up you pansies.
So you’re saying that I don’t share a rivalry with The Hammer?
Exciting game last night. I think my favorite part was when Reddick crapped on Roy Williams last night by basically announcing that he knew exactly what play UNC was trying to run at the end of the game. Also, for all the talk about how unselfish UNC has become, well, they sure look like a selfish team to me.
Dude, the “Desperate Housewives” hags are not attractive.
Stacy Johnson-Klein. I insist she be mentioned in all your posts, Jake, after some of the comments that showed up well after your Jan 11 contribution. It sounds like there’s some unfinished business (behind hand: c-c-c-catfight!) that might require some investigitve journalism on your part.
If they do fight, where and when can I buy tickets? WOW!
Johnny, you’re totally right. Teri Hatcher? Has-Been Hag. Eva Longoria? Short Hag. Nicolette Sheridan? Plastic Hag. Though my blurb had absolutely nothing to do with appearance.
DH, thank God someone is monitoring the comments section. Rest assured this is a topic that will be expanded upon in the very near future. Me-owww….
Jake, I’d expect nothing less from you than getting to the bottom of this critical and contentious topic that affects all of us. (behind hand: C-c-c-catfight! C-c-c-atifight!)
While Dad isn’t much for MILF hags, I do say I think the redheaded housewives housewife is pretty hot. Dad likes the redheads, yum.
Where’s the Hulk?
Sorry to disappoint, Brian. (BTW, are you B. Brian Blair of the Killer Bees?)
Jake the Snake, is that you? Snake-ster, man, brutha, anytime you want to hang and bang with the Hulkster, it’s alright by me.
You were always a straight shooter, brutha, and now I see your articles are tight and have all the little Hulkamaniacs all over the world tuned in and LOCKED, dude!
Even though at one time you tried to put me in your DDT finishing move, driving my bald pate into the squared circle, I knew I could count on you show up with an article.
That’s cool you are a writer now, man. If anyone gets in your face, I am sure you’ll chase them away with your giant boa snake, Damian.
I really liked your interview section on WWF Saturdays called the Snake Pit. That was a good gig, brutha. Anytime you want to call me up and reminisce about the times we locked Honky Tonk Man in the bathroom and turned out the lights, I am so there. WHUCHA GONNA DO!!! WHEN HULKAMANIA AND JAKE THE SNAKE RUN WILD ON YOU!?!? (Muscle pose)
good thing you have pictures of woman in your column, cuz rest of it is pile of shit.
Pile of shit, not to pile on, but maybe you can learn to write in coherent sentences before you characterize a piece of Jake’s writing as a “pile of shit.”
Then again, if it motivates Mr. Potter to pen another, um masterpiece (with accompanying pictorial), I guess I’ll have to thank you in advance.
A little bit of popularity, and now we’re EVERYWHERE!
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