You have to hand it to the Cubs. Few teams lose with the kind of panache the Cubs do. How many teams spoil their own no-hitters by losing a flyball in the sun? How many teams can roar back to score four runs in the ninth inning only to lose the game two innings later when the third baseman plays a routine pop up off his head?
And you though there was no reason to watch them anymore. John McDonough and his crack gang of marketing geniuses are busy working on a new second half of the season promotional campaign, but we already know the new slogan.
CHICAGO CUBS BASEBALL: FINDING HISTORICALLY UNIQUE WAYS TO SUCK…EVERY GODDAMNED DAY
The most impressive thing is that they actually mean it. They’re not a baseball team, they’re a full fledged train wreck. They did manage to win yesterday, breaking a six game losing streak and proving that like the Bears last year, they’ll win once a week, whether they need to or not.
They’re actually playing at a 100 loss pace. No, that’s not right. They’re accelerating past a 100 loss pace. They’re tanking games like the reward is getting to draft LeBron James.
What was more surprising on Friday? That Jock Jones cost Carlos Zambrano any chance of a no-hitter by losing a flyball in the sun with two out in the seventh? Or that Carlos didn’t run out to right field and beat Jock senseless after the play?
Here’s the most (of several) irritating things about that play. Most fielders will do whatever they can late in a no-hitter to try to save it for the pitcher. You’ll see guys who normally can’t be troubled to break a sweat, trying to dive into the stands after foul balls. Hell, you saw E-ramis “save” the no-hitter one batter earlier by diving behind third base and throwing a guy out.
So what does Jock do? He loses the flyball in the sun and then executes a series of manuevers, all of which mean, “This isn’t my fault! I can’t see! It’s not my fault.” His blame shifting aerobics made the call for the official scorer, as much as the ball just missing his melon as it crashed to earth for a “hit” did. It’s not so much he lost the ball in the sun, it’s the way he wanted “credit” for it. God forbid he hang with it and get a glove on the ball. That might cost him a Gold Glove! (Snicker, snicker.)
The rule of thumb for a scorer is that if a player clearly loses a ball in the sun or the lights you give the batter a hit. However, there’s another rule of thumb that the first hit by a team should be a clean one. In the summer I spent as an official scorer, twice I gave errors to players on borderline calls because a hit in that instance would have been the first for the batting team. Both times a clean hit followed within an inning or two and both times I changed the original calls back to hits. You’re the official scorer, not the judge at Nuremberg. Lighten up.
Saturday’s game was even more absurd. I came in from a long day of yard work to see that the Cubs were down 12-8 in the eighth. Len Kasper said something that sounded like “the Braves have hit eight home runs today” and I knew that couldn’t be true. Nobody hits eight homers in one day.
The Cubs rallied for an inexplicable four spot in the ninth off three different Braves pitchers (highlighed by RBIs by both Neifi ((2)) and Freddie Bynum). The Cubs then lost when E-ramis played a routine pop up into a two-base error because the ball hit him in the head. You see that a lot. When you watch nine year olds play baseball.
The new answer to the Cubs’ troubles is Tony Womack. He’s been on base eight times in 12 trips to the plate (seven, officially, but he also reached on an error.) This, from a guy with a career on base average of .317. So you just know he’s going to keep it up. Hey, lots of guys finally learn how to play when they turn 36. Unfortunately, what they learn to play is usually shuffleboard.
Womack has been given the famous #1 worn most recently by Jose Macias and most memorably by Rick Wrona. He is, like every other Cub, a Tommy John Disease survivor and you just know that Dusty’s going to use him in right field from time to time, where he’ll make Jock Jones look like Vlad Guerrero when he throws the ball back in. Honestly, platooning Jones with anybody is a good idea. Besides, the Cubs have perfected the “make a lazy ass throw, then bobble it, then throw it into the stands” relay play that allows runners to score from second on sac flies, anyway.
Truth is, Jock actually does hit righties pretty well. His season numbers are .314 ba/ .354 oba/ .512 slg / .866 ops, with six homers and 20 RBI in 121 at bats.
Against lefties? Not so much. .103/.133/.207/.340, 1 HR, 2 RBI, 29 at bats. Guh.
What would have been nice is if Jock hadn’t stopped hitting lefties when he came to the National League. See, then Jim Hendry, because he’s a fine judge of talent and a great statistical analysist would have prepared for it.
Wait. You mean Jock’s never been able to hit lefties? You mean his three-year splits indicate he was a complete closet case with a batting average almost 60 full points worse against lefties?ÂÂ
Oh. Never mind.
It was a rough weekend for announcers all over. Dave Flemming of the Giants infamously was robbed of a chance to give a historic call when his mic cut out as he just began his call of Barry Bonds’ 715th home run.
But how about the hack fest ABC put on during the Indy 500? During the last 30 laps alone, we were treated to race announcer Marty Reid missing every important moment and then recapping it for us with “Guess who just moved into fourth?” (Pause for effect, then keep pausing to make us think you’ve had a deadly epileptic seizure) “It’s Michael, Mario or Marco Andretti, or somebody!”
Coming down through the final three laps, Rusty Wallace shat all over himself more than once. At one point he said, “I’ve never seen people so excited! You should see what I’m seeing!” Huh? Then, the coup de grace, “This is the most exciting Daytona 500 ever! Uh, I mean Brick…Indy 500!”
But the best moment, happened live during the 10 p.m. news on the Rockford CBS affiliate, when the hack weekend sports guy showed Sam Hornish Jr. drinking the traditional victory milk, then pouring it over his head, while the sports guy said, “Here he is soiling himself with milk!”ÂÂ
Soiling himself? Really? How do you know?
That same night, Craig Sager gave an immortal interview to Tim Thomas at halftime of the Mavs game three win over the Suns, during which Craig referred to the Mavericks’ best player as Dick Nowitzki and to Thomas’ friend, Craig Hayward as Ironwood Haywood.
Thomas topped Sager though when he said of the recently deceased former Bears running back, “I wish him the best.”
Wouldn’t the best have been not dying of a brain tumor at 39? Go back to cashing your Bulls’ checks and not playing any defense, Timmy.
that you didnt mention that in an interview for GROTA, Len Kasper listed Desipio as one of his regular reads.
On the other Saturday, some slob annnounced Dusty Baker’s job is safe and my mastery on the mound was second only to my mastery on the bases.
Andy,
Great call on the Indy 500. It sounded like Rusty had no idea that the cars he was watching did not have fenders, use technology that was around after 1965, and ran 70MPH faster than the ones he knew. He seemed less prepared than Joe Carter out there.
I actually held the 13-12 slugfest at Coors, er uh Wrigley. Saturday held a dirty 2-1 game.
1. I’m only surprised when people don’t list Desipio as their favorite. Actually, I read the Kasper interview after I wrote this.
4. I’m lucky I remembered today was Tuesday, much less any of that.
My girlfriend was paying attention to the game yesterday, but only because when she walked in the room they were showing Jennifer Aniston. Then she saw Len and said, “Wait, that’s Len Kasper? He’s cute!” That turned into a half hour of “Do you think Jen and Vince will ever get married?” and “So that’s the Len guy who e-mails you and stuff?” I could blame this on Jennifer. I think I’ll blame it on Neifi. Just because.
Don’t blame me, mang. I wasn’t the one who awarded my ass a two year deal. Talk to Senor Donuts.
25-13 will put us 44w, 44L going into the all-star break. WE CAN STILL MAKE THE PLAY-OFFS
At the end of yesterday’s Cub game, WGN strangely focused on a fan behind home plate who wore a t-shirt that said: “Forget Dusty. Fire Hendry. Hang MacPhail.”
Look, this is a great blog, and I agree with Andy 99% of the time. But you focus on Dusty way too much. He’s not the problem. Hendry is. The focus on Dusty does no good. The best manager on earth would fail to get this team into the playoffs. I wouldn’t trust Hendry to hire another manager. Ride it out with Dusty until he gets both himself and Hendry fired. Until Hendry goes, this team will never win a title. That t-shirt was 100% correct and I wish all of you would learn from it.
(The immediate question the t-shirt raised was – how in the world did WGN put him on TV? Weird. A commentary by the production team, perhaps? Or is it due to the fact that there’s so many anti-Cubs tshirts in the crowd at Wrigley these days that they couldn’t find a shot without one? I dunno. But it’s interesting.)
Discuss.
What the Fuck is the Indy 500?
#8, There’s plenty of blame to go around. Dusty is a clown, an inept manager if there ever was one. He rode the Barroid’s skills and ability to pump himself up into Manager of the Year awards and a trip to the World Series. When there’s actual managing to do, he can’t do it (as evidenced initially in the postseasons of 2002 and 2003, and we all know what’s happened since then).
Hendry has proven that unless someone else is fire-selling, he is a terrible GM. Can’t evaluate talent, attaches himself to prospects, can’t sign a marquee free agent. With trades, he’s made a few good ones and a few bad ones. Fine. All in all the balance is pretty negative.
If you really want to blame someone for this mess it has to be Andy MacFail. The Cubs as an organization, suck. They cannot develop position player talent at any level – “can’t miss” prospects simply never develop to a major-league level of skill. Pitchers with great stuff never learn to pitch in a way that will beat major league hitters, and mechanical problems go uncorrected until there are labrum tears and “Tommy John Disease.” There is a poor approach to hitting, a poor approach to pitching strategy, a poor approach to baserunning, and a poor approach to fielding that have persisted throughout the years of MacFail.
The only real solution is to gut the entire thing and start over, but that won’t happen until the Cubs get new ownership. The current owners are actually happy with this mess – all they see is 3 million tickets, record crowds, happy drunk fans. They have divorced the quality of the product on the field from the price fans are willling to pay to see it – a business coup for sure, great for the Tribune Co., but not so good for fans who actually care about whether the Cubs win.
We’ve gone from thinking Dusty and Hendry were the second coming of Christ and chanting “Choi” when Derrick Lee came to bat to worshiping Lee and wanting the heads of Dusty and Hendry on a plate. If you really look at this team, the bullpen is solid, the starting pitching is suspect thanks to Wood and Prior, and the position players arent that bad. Imagine a healthy rotation of Z, Maddux, Wood, Prior and Wade Miller. Thats what Hendry was banking on, if it worked he would have been a genius. As far as the position players who would you get rid of? Lee, Ramirez, Cedeno, and Jones should stay. Murton, Pierre, Barrett and Walker could go. The Cubs have the cheap option of Pie for center, Womack is good enough to fill 2b for this season (and he can lead off), so it Hendry can upgrade LF and pick up a better defensive catcher (its a shame we cant combine Blanco’s D with Barretts O) and get everyone healthy this team could be decent. Probably too late to make a run this year but a decent foundation for next. And if this happens Hendry and Baker will once again be heroes.
Imagine a healthy rotation of Z, Maddux, Wood, Prior and Wade Miller. Thats what Hendry was banking on, if it worked he would have been a genius
So true. In fact, I have the same thinking on my retirement plan. Screw stocks, mutual funds and bonds. I’m taking all my spare money and buying powerball tickets. If it works, I’ll be a genius.
The higher probability is that winning the lottery is unlikely to happen. That means counting on that is stupid.
Same for Hendry counting on Prior, Wood, and 40 year old Maddux.
#11, you think I should stay? How kind.
Sorry #11 but I will never happen.
I think Hendry gets more than his fair share of the blame here. As for the lineup being solid. Solid? Huh? Even with Derrek Lee in the lineup this is a lousy offense. Murton and Jock are mediocrities at best. Pierre’s fallen off the map. E-ramis is in the tank. Cedeno’s erratic. Barrett’s fine at the plate and a basket case behind it. So that leaves what? Lee and Walker? Hot damn, print us up some playoff tickies!
Murton has promise and so does Cedeno. But right now, the team on the field is full of replacement level players. You could swap this offense with Iowa’s for a week and you might not even notice.
And by Iowa, I mean University of.
Hendry’s problem has always been not having enough pitching. It used to be not having enough in the bullpen. So he fixed that this offseason and now, predictably, there’s not enough in the rotation. Even if you didn’t project Prior missing more than two months, you KNEW that Wood and Miller were coming off of labrum surgeries that typically take more than a full year to fully recover from, so you knew coming in you were going to be short, and did nothing about it.
As for Dusty, every one of his Cubs’ teams has been lousy defensively, terrible running the bases and has no clue at the plate. So yeah, let’s not blame him for any of this.
Meanwhile we blew up our team…AGAIN….and filled it with young, hungry prospects and a no-nonsense manager. Give us a couple of years and we’ll be winning yet another World Series.
It wasnt long ago that you guys had man love for us, now we’re mediocre and erractic? But we have promise you say, of course if the Cubs would’nt have played us, everyone would have raised hell and said that Dusty hates young players. This is the first down year for Aramis and the first time Lee has been on the DL. No one wanted Walker traded in the offseason, and he has played as well as could be expected. In all fairness, in the offseason people thought Pierre cost us to much, which he is having his worst season, but they still said it was our first true leadoff hitter since Lofton. Jones was overpaid. Jones is a decent player to bat 6th or 7th on a good team. And “passed ball, cant throw anyone out stealing” Barrett is, well, Barrett. Hendry gambled on a healthy pitching staff, with nothing to suggest he should, and lost. If he would have overpaid for the drunken Furcal, who is having an off year, he would have been ripped for that when he had Cedeno who could have played SS and that money could have been spent elsewhere. I guess my long winded point is , the only signings people werent thrilled with were Jones, and not signing Furcal and a starting pitcher. Maybe this would have helped, maybe not. But now people are complaining about moves that didnt work out, like they knew this would happen. Stop, people liked Pierre, Murton, Cedeno, Walker, Aramis, Lee and probably Barrett to begin the year. It didnt work out, its too late now, get over it. Next people will start complaining that we didnt keep Corey Patterson, now that he is having a good season.
the only signings people werent thrilled with were Jones, and not signing Furcal and a starting pitcher
That’s 2006. And that ignores calls for Brian Giles and BJ Ryan. In previous year’s we’ve said that Hendry fucked up on:
Jim Thome
Miguel Tejada
Waiting too long to trade for Nomar or Cabrerra
Carlos Beltran
As if Corey really is working out (give him a month — he’ll revert), isn’t that further indictment that Hendry’s minor league teachers suck and Dusty is a doofus? Either that, or it’s an indictment of Hendry not being smart enough to keep him.
And cut the “we” shit out. You aren’t part of the team and neither are any of us, Len included.
And cut the “we†shit out. You aren’t part of the team and neither are any of us, Len included.
Wow, now thats hate!! But “we” still love you :)
I’d love to work for #17.
“This is the first down year for Aramis”
Who the fuck are you crapping, Jack?
He followed up a strong 2001 (.300/.350/.556) with this:
.234/.279/.387
in 2002. And then he “improved” to .272/.324/.465 in ’03 although he performed well in the clutch for the Cubs.
Still, if his season continues like this, it won’t be an aberration. It’ll be proof that Ramirez has had an up-and-down career. This year is the year for him to shake it, and he still can. If he does bounce back like he did last year, he’ll have had three straight solid seasons. If he doesn’t, well, it’ll suggest a frustrating pattern of inconsistency.
Now go put yer stinkin’ head back in the sand, donut boy.
Konichiwa, bitches!
I think people on this site would bitch if the Cubs won the world series.
hopefully we can find out before the interweb is replaced by hyno-nerual-net-impant thingies
P.S.– you Bite
Why did Hendry trade for Nevin now? Derrek is in the final stage of his time on the DL. This should have happened weeks ago.
Oh, and he’s not that great either.
NTC,
You said the lineup is “solid.” I was pointing out that nobody’s doing much of anything except Walker. Murton’s numbers are mediocre. Cedeno’s erratic. I didn’t say to bench either or trade them, I just said they’re contributing to the non-solidity of the offense.
You know, you can cut the Prozac in half.
I’m no doofus. Read the paper.
“I’m happy for Corey because I was one of the guys that really believed in him a lot.”