It?s no secret that since I?m stuck in the middle of Big 12 country I end up watching nearly as many Missouri Tiger and Kansas Jayhawk games as I do my beloved Dukies. This year has been a bit of a rollercoaster for each program, and now?s as good a time as any to throw a little salt in the wound?

Duke- It used to be that Blue Devils didn?t leave school early and they didn?t wear tattoos. Those days are over, and most recently frosh sensation J.J. Redick has done away with another Duke tradition. During Saturday?s Georgia Tech game, he became the first player allowed to wear an undershirt not related to an injury. Unless you define a little acne on the shoulders as an injury. Now Duke fans are bent out of shape thinking that J.J.?s second half shooting woes are attributed to the extra cotton/poly blend he?s sporting. Nevermind that he wore an undershirt as a stud high school sharpshooter. In any case, it?s only a matter of time before Nick Horvath busts out the headband.

Speaking of streaks being broken, if this year?s team continues their road woes, they could be the first Blue Devil squad since 1997 to go in to the NCAAs without a #1 seed. My guess is they?re headed for a #3.

Mizzou- When the Tigers nabbed Quin Snyder from Coach K?s bench, I thought they were getting an excellent recruiter who would bring a free-flowing offense and suffocating, opportunistic defense to Columbia. Instead he?s landed only one McDonald?s All American (Travon Bryant) and has recruited guys of questionable character that would make even Bob Huggins or Jerry Tarkanian a little uneasy. But no worries, if they don?t fit, Quin says, ?They gotta get!?. Najeeb Echols was released from his scholie just one season after Wesley Stokes and Duane John were given the boot in favor of ?superior? talent.

Tiger fans now find themselves once again rooting for an inconsistent, undisciplined, bubble team that will have to be satisfied with 20 wins and yet another unimpressive sixth place finish in the competitive Big 12, before crawling in to the NCAAs with an #8 or #9 seed.

Tigerboard.com?s Quinnythepooh offers this very amusing take on the current team as they prepare for the Nebraska Cornhuskers:

Quin: Ok guys, huddle up here, we need to get ready for Nebraska.
RC: Coach?
Quin: Yeah Clarence, what is it?
RC: It’s Ricky coach.
Quin: Oh yeah, sorry, what’s the question?
RC: Well, did you watch the Texas/Kansas game last night?
Quin: Yes I did Ricky.
RC: Well, those teams did some cool stuff, like they would sometimes get in the defenders way so that a teammate could get a good shot.
Quin: Yeah, I noticed that too Ricky, there’s a name for it, but it escapes me right now.
Josh: It’s a pick coach.
Quin: Thanks Josh, did you get my laundry yet?
Josh: Going right after practice coach.
RC: Well coach, do you think maybe we should try something like that?
Quin: Clarence, even if we did you’d just shoot fade away three pointers anyway.
RC: It’s Ricky coach.
Quin: Oh yeah, well go work on that floating three pointer you missed in the Texas game, you should make a high percentage shot like that.
RC: Ok coach.
TB: Coach, I watched that game too, do you think Collison really got 23 rebounds or did they make that up cause he plays for KU?
Quin: I’d say he really did it Travon….why? And Travon, I’ve asked you before not to wear your McDonalds AA Warmups to practice, we all know you played in that game.
TB: Cause, I mean, like what are the odds of having 23 balls come right to you in one game? Seems a little far fetched to me coach.
Quin: Travon, you know that you’re allowed to move and go get the ball right?
TB: Uh, yeah coach…..nevermind.
Quin: Paulding? You here?
RP: Yeah coach, right next to you.
Quin: Oh, ok, sometimes I’ve noticed you disappear, was just making sure. Ok, now about Nebraska, I’ve been studying them all night and I think if we can outscore them, we can pull out a win.
AJ: Well, uh, coach, what if they outscore us?
Quin: Then our odds get a lot worse Authur.
RC: Coach, I noticed that in the box score by Miles? and Ford?s name there’s a category for assists.
Quin: Yes Clarence, what’s the question?
RC: What’s an assist coach…and it’s Ricky.
Quin: An assist is when you pass the ball….well, hmmm…….in your case Ricky, say you lost control of the ball and swatted it to Arthur and he scored, that’s an assist.
RC: So they lost control 10 times in the game and each time someone got it scored?
Quin: Not exactly, those guys actually TRY to get the ball to their teammates.
RC: Oh, ok….well then nevermind coach.
Quin: Ok, well, let’s practice, black team go shoot around on that end, gold team, you shoot on the other end then in a hour switch sides, I’m late for a hair appt.

And finally?

Kansas- While Roy?s Boys try to live up to huge preseason expectations without a legitimate 3-point threat, they?ve offered a jersey-retirement-of-the-week celebration for their restless fans. The former requirements have been lessened a bit allowing players like Tus Ackerman, Gale Gordon, Fred Pralle, Al Peterson, Paul Pierce, Jo Jo White, Raef LaFrentz, Howard Engleman Jaque Vaughn, JoJo White and Drew Gooden all to come back to Lawrence to be cheered by the fans one last time as their jerseys are hung from the rafters. Keep in mind that only their jerseys are retired, not their numbers, which in and of itself seems a little lame. And why these couldn?t be spread out over a couple of seasons also seems, well, lame. In addition to a friendly wave of the hand from one of their former ?greats?, Allen Fieldhouse was treated to an unintentional standup routine when Gooden offered the following gems during his ?speech?:

?This is a special day for me. I remember last year during this time, I knew that I was(n?t) gonna have probably a senior day. And that one day if I could get my jersey retired was the time I was gonna take and you know, say my senior day speech?

I don?t know what to say. I didn?t have any speech, you know, wrote up. Anything I was gonna say was gonna come straight from my mind. I know you guys all know dat…

I think for this to happen is a blessing. And I thank all the fans from KU, all my teammates and everybody on the coaching staff, this whole program has done so much for me and my family and my life. So I just want to thank all you guys for everything you?ve done for me. And thanks for sculpturing me into the guy I am today.?

If ever there was an argument for a player to stay in school this certainly would be the guy that could have benefited from another year of schooling and ?sculpturing? at the University of Kansas. The same school that edumecated the Franchise, which is probably the reason she claimed recently that humans exhale carbon monoxide. No wonder I?m always feeling tired and dizzy around the house!

Now back to that Kansas/Texas game that Quin?s kids were so impressed with. Actually the Rock Chalkers were also pretty impressed which is probably why they stormed the court. Yep, a large group of fans stormed the court after knocking off a conference foe with a #3 ranking. This is an epidemic that requires immediate attention:

Courtstorming 101- If you really must rush the court after an improbable win you should only be doing so if one of the following has occurred;

1. You?ve just beaten an in-state or border rival on an unbelievably dramatic last second game winning shot. Hopefully by a walk on that has recently had a limb amputated. And hopefully your in-state rival was ranked #1 in the nation at the time.

2. You?ve just broken a winless streak that has been mentioned by David Letterman.

3. A swarm of hornets, anthrax outbreak, or carbon monoxide leak finds its way to the bleachers.

4. Your head coach personally invites you onto the floor.

5. You?ve just earned an automatic NCAA berth or won the national title.

In other words, act like you?ve been there before unless you?ve accomplished something truly extraordinary and stay the hell off the court!

Where was I? Contrary to what C-Mac would have you believe (he has them tabbed for an absurd #6 or #7 seed) if Nick Collison can stay out of foul trouble and continue to rebound like a man (a career high 24 on Monday that earned a Dickie V standing O), and Wayne Simien?s shoulder heals by mid-February this could still be a team capable of a deep March run.

One which if you?re an ESPN.com Bracketology reader might start in Nashville in the same region as Duke. This possibility, however slight, has led C-Mac and I to hold off on our Oklahoma City plans until Selection Sunday.

God help the Music City if they draw the Blue Devils, Jayhawks, C-Mac and yours truly. We?re talking a potential for disaster, mayhem and unrest comparable to a streetfight between Godzilla and Mothra.

Which is exactly why it?s called March Madness, or as I like to call it ?the most glorious time of the year?? And it?s not even February yet!!! I?m getting a little dizzy again. Probably the carbon monoxide. You?ll have to excuse me while I take a break for a little fresh air.

Of course in this case I?m defining ?breath of fresh air? as a gratuitous picture of Jaime Pressley for your pleasure. Enjoy!

The name: Izabella Scorupco. She?s Polish. Like Krzyzewski or Wojciechowski. But much more pretty, and much more bendy?