One thread for all three games today.
Tigers at Yankees, noon, ESPN
Satanic Fowl at Fathers, 3 p.m., ESPN
Dodgers at Mets, 7 p.m., Fox
Pitching Matchups:
DET: Justin Verlander
NYY: Mike Mussina
STL: Jeff Weaver (Really? Muahahahahahaha!)
SD: David Wells (Really? Guh.)
LAD: Somebody Kuo
NYM: Tom Glavine
Lineups for Detroit-Yankees
Detroit
Curtis Granderson, cf
The Fourth Tenor, 2b
WayTooHappy Casey, 1b
Fabio Hair, rf
Carlos Guillen, ss
Not so Pudge, c
Craig Monroe, lf
River Thames, dh
The Angry Inge, 3b
Yankees
Johnny Damon, cf
Derek Jeter, ss
Bobby Abreu, rf
Gary Sheffield, 1b
Jason Giambi, dh (What a closet case at first must Giambi be?)
Mr. Cocktober, Jr., 3b
Hideki Matt Suhey, lf
Jorge Posada, c
Robinson Cano, 2b
Honestly, if you took a Mr. Cocktober sign to Yankee Stadium, would they even make you take it down?
Hey Tigers! Game starts at four today. Don’t be late.
Hah hah! Hee hee!
They say it’s bad luck to strike out the leadoff hitter. I think that’s silly.
Gary Sheffield has “excellent hands.” And his eyes are pretty, too!
Screw this. Toss me so I can go have a smoke. Or 40.
Is it unlucky to strike out the first two guys?
Holy crap. I’m not even sure how to explain what Joe just said.
“Jim Leyland wants the Tigers to swing early, because they are a free swinging bunch and if they get behind they will strike out.”
If they’re free swinging, don’t they swing early anyway? Isn’t that the definition of “free swinging?”
You just made the list, Casey. Happiest prick on Earth my ass. You run over me on a play at first and your wife will be dead by the fourth inning.
Uh…why don’t Joe or Jon mention that Casey should have been out at first? Sheffield caught the ball with his foot on the bag, then Casey hit him and it came loose. I’d think the first base ump’s wife might be in danger, too.
Haw haw! Widdle Gawy make an ewwow! Hee hee. I’m just glad when somebody else fucks up.
How do I look, anyway?
I was ugly before I grew my hair out. Now I’m…what’s the word? Detestable? Nah. But I’m uglier.
“That’s why he’s a good hitter. He knows the strike zone.”
.0004 of a second later, Magglio swings at one over his head. Nice.
Hey, they’re talking about the Yankees’ dynasty again. We need to get another case to Jon Miller and Joe Morgan pronto!
Only we could make it sound like the Tigers are losing 3-3.
You guys make it sound like I strike out every time. I’ve batted three times. I only struck out twice.
How’d I look?
How about we have a 100 yard race between Casey and Giambi and see how long it takes to finish?
Try not to get picked off third base, son.
That’s why I never get that far.
My arm makes Juan Pierre’s look like Vladimir Guerrero’s.
I love how Monument Park makes it look like all the great Yankees are buried past centerfield. While in Wrigley, the only thing buried out there are the hopes and dreams of a few million Cubs fans.
Ey guys! Gas es only $.25 USD/gallon over here. The president want to talk to me, Ey gotta go!
Detroit’s going to need an insurance run or two.
The thought of Todd “Don’t Call me Doug Though You Might As Well” Jones nailing down a 1-run lead in the 9th at Yankee Stadium is enough to make Tigers fans start smoking like their manager.
Verlander was throwing 100. I’m throwing 103. Hit that, Yankees.
I can’t hit this guy. But my sunglasses are nice. Don’t they look nice?
Tell me how good I look.
Zumaya is consistently throwing 103 right now. And painting the black with it. How is he not the closer? Seriously.
I agree with you, Andy. I saw Z live and it was filthy. Just filthy.
Todd Jones, on the other hand, I’d almost rather have Braden Looper closing games for my team. Not really.
I think I should be closing for the Spankees.
Good thing I won’t be facing ARod in the 9th. I’d have to bean him in order to prevent him from giving me gay.
Go Yankees!
Don’t use your toothbrush, then Todd.
By the way. How do I look?
I like how I just went to the espn.com homepage (which was a mistake to begin with) and assumed the Yankees were winning since there is a hug picture of Damon on the front. Then in tiny letters it notes the Tigers are actually winning.
I get the bottom of the Yankees order. No sweat. It’s just Matt Suhey, Jorge, and some hack named Cano who only hit .242.
What, he hit .342? And he’s batting ninth? Fuck me.
I’m worried about this save. Todd is not nearly sweaty enough.
Where the hell am I? Doesn’t Jimmy Leyland know that I was groomed into an everyday player by Dusty?!
*throws syringe into trash can*
…yeah, Go Yankees!
I send honorable baseball to field in center of diamond. Rally time, bitches!
I believe in you Neifi. Just go check yourself into the game. Jim won’t mind.
I like how Matt Suhey sat down in the dugout after Melky came in to pinch run for him, and still was wearing his helmet. With hair like that, I can’t blame him.
Also, is that right? Did Torre actually use a pinch runner? I thought the only thing more likely than Dusty Baker double-switches were Joe Torre non-switches.
Leyland: What the hell was that?
Jones: A sinker.
Leyland: Throw your 103 MPH fastball.
Jones: I don’t have one.
Leyland: Well, what the fuck did I put you in for?
We have our rally Neifi on. Whenever we get a lead late in the game, we turn him inside out and stick him on Casey’s head.
Dude don’t worry Neifi, when I am broadcasting this weekend, I will fellate you verbally (and later physically) all game.
Go Tigers! I want Torre out so I can manage the Yankees next year and not the Cubs.
I wish this game would end. The homo jokes about me haven’t even started yet.
Crap guys, this is the nightmare we are all having from May on….Todd Jones on the bump with a 1 run lead in the 9th against the Yankees
Hey IRod, don’t you know not to field bunts inside the 10?
At least it was foul.
I get excited whenever something goes the Yankees way.
If they somehow get Cano out. They should just have the artist formerly known as Pudge try to pick Melky off four times instead of actually pitching to Damon.
I’m a National League fan, so I’m a little late to the party when it comes to these junior circuit players but holy crap I can’t believe Cano actually hit .342 this season, playing everyday.
As Dave Otto might say, the Yankees lineup is filthy.
I just made a routine fly out to left sound like a legless Brant Brown in a one-wheel wheelchair was chasing it. I need to calm the hell down.
Normal Broadcaster: Fly ball to left, Monroe under it, routine play. 2 out
Jon Miller: FLY BALL DEEP TO LEFT. ITS REALLY SUNNY OUT!!! YOU MIGHT SCREW UP!!! HE CAN’T SEE IT! HE’S LOST IT IN THE….oh he recovers and catches it. 2 away.
“This one could be trouble” is what I yell to my bowels any morning after I’ve had a Philly and Cheese.
I thought Jon really undersold that great play by Monroe.
How long you’ll wait for a Yankee home playoff game to end in the bottom of the ninth on a called third strike.
Nobody breaks their shin bone on a foul ball. Can’t happen. Suck it up, Johnny.
What Todd said.
Okay. What’s the injury delay?
Remember me, Cubs fans? I also broke my shin on a foul ball.
Flyball to center! The Tigers can’t possibly pull this off! Polanco loses it!
Oh, Granderson’s got it. Tigers win. Whatever. Who cares. Big deal.
Bah, Tigers win. Onto the Satanics vs. Fathers. Why do the Fathers inspire so little? They blow.
I’m suprised they didn’t call a rain delay while the ball was in the air.
We would have won if they hadn’t cheated and fouled that ball off Johnny’s shin. It was incredibly gutty for him to stay in the game and pop out.
By the third inning both me and my career will be burning in full flame.
Crap, the Tigers win. What are we going to do if they get two more of these?
I’m just going to sit here in the grass and pout until the umpire calls Adrian out. He almost swung at that.
Turn it over to us. That better not happen, right Espen?
Remember when Yadier Molina was the one Flying Molina Brother who wasn’t obese?
Yeah, those were the days.
Hey Twins, you should have tanked your last three like we did! This winning playoff game stuff is great. You should try it!
My pop-up swing is in the groove baby!
I want to refute any allegations that I got stuff from Balco. I’ve chugged down plenty of cream and clear in my day, just not from them.
My strike out swing is even better!
Name two things tough to take seriously when wearing big red shoes.
Hey ARod! Get a new nickname. I’ve earned mine over the years. Hitless in the 2004 World Series, injured in a collision with 140 pound shortstop a couple years before that. Always complaining about a sore back…
How long should we wait for Edmonds to even attempt to run to first on that dribbler to Gonzalez? A token step or two wouldn’t have hurt, would it? I can’t wait until Hendry signs his concussed ass this December.
Did I just Cadillac a dribbler to first…ummm…dribbler…
What Juan Encarnacion was at home plate. Do not run on the mighty gun of Dave Roberts.
Hee hee. Dave Roberts.
Oh, you’re telling me that play was at live speed…sorry about that…
I probably dropped and picked up that ball four times while they were trying to find Juan-do’s foot and the plate…Thanks for missing that…
You know those spiral things that fans used to twirl behind baskets to distract free throw shooters? The Padres fans should get a couple dozen of them and use them behind home plate when Edmonds is in center. You know they could make him throw up on himself in less than a minute.
Seriously. Why the fuck am I playing?
Berman just went into his home run call on a Geoff Blum flyball that was never fair and didn’t have home run distance. What a douche.
Well, Russ…if you don’t like these berets, then I don’t like them…
And you thought Jose Oquendo was coaching third. Either I’m wearing a Kevlar vest or you can’t keep me away from a post-game buffet…during the game…
Doesn’t it look like the Padres are wearing a drawing of David Wells on their sleeve?
(Yes, I know it’s the swinging friar.)
For chrissakes! Don’t let Molina and Belliard sit next to each other on the bench? The damn thing will tip! Enormous son of mine. Go sit on the other end and balance this thing out!
I don’t like it when Duncan doesn’t play. I get really tired. I usually ride out to shortstop in his pocket.
You want a ride, Dave?
Even when I make a nice catch, I have to throw a little douchebaggery into it by taking an extra six steps and jumping on the wall to “slow myself down.”
Then I act hurt while I run in.
Nice catch by me. Not.
I stopped by this morning to teach some fielding fundamentals to the Padres.
What was more likely, the run saving diving stop by Todd Walker, or the run causing “lose the ball down the back of your shirt” move?
This Padres lineup is TERRIBLE.
Seconded. Holy crap they’re about to get shut out by Jeff Weaver, Randy Flores, Josh Kinney, Tyler Johnson, Adam Wainwright and Braden Looper.
Wow. Whoever wins the series between us will practically have a bye in the second round before getting swept out of the World Series.
tHom, you need to do your f***in home run call over again because you just f***ed it up.
Get a thread up for todays game man. These things are f’ing addictive.