Sorry about yesterday. I was actually at the game. You didn’t need a Cubs Live for that shit.
Today’s is sponsored by:
Pitching matchup:
Tigers: Nate Robertson, 6-3, 3.50 ERA
Cubs: Glendong Rusch, 2-6, Touchdown.29 ERA
Lineups
Tigers
Curtis Granderson, cf
The Fourth Tenor, 2b
Ivan HGH Rodriguez, c
Maggs, rf
Carlos Guillen, ss
River Thames, lf
Chris Shelton, 1b
The Angry Inge, 3b
Nate Robertson, p
Cubs
Unlucky Pierre, cf
Disgusted Bat Flip, 2b
E-ramis, 3b
Phil Nevin, 1b
Red, lf
Jock, rf
Ron Ce, ss
Hank White, c
Whoever pinch hits for whoever comes in to relieve Glendon in the second, ph
Ah crap, get that ivory out of my face!
Where am I and my uniform descriptions?
God, I suck.
Just add Glendon
The Desipio equivalent of me is ongoing today at the Message Board. All records for posts in a single thread have been shattered during the conversation entitled “1 game out.” Come join the fun between innings or when this game ends, which should be in about… 15 minutes.
For the record, I’m a proponent of having the DH in both leagues.
How’s the visibility?
What’s the over/under on how many non-fastball pitches identified by type by Andy Masur? I say 1.5.
Larry, why don’t you get on one of those fancy wireless devices and get Aardsma warming up… NOW!
Two runs, 30 pitches. Game over.
You guys missed a hell of a BEEERAVE! today.
I have been prolonged!
This game is going to ruin my catching ERA numbers. Oh, how humiliating.
I got my luck back.
I have Juan Pierre on my fantasy team. I left him in my lineup every day this season and finally I got fed up. The one and only day I bench him he decides to steal 4 bases.
I hate you Juan Pierre, now more than ever.
No wishing for hits, please.
When we were ahead of the Marlins in the standings, that was pretty cool.
I’m working through a dead-arm period, but I’m still the best pitcher on the team AND the best pinch-hitting option.
Dammit, Walker! If you can’t get that runner over to third, then I will! See? Not so hard.
Wanna see why I ride pine nowadays, female dogs? Watch.
I’m working through a dead-arm LIFE. You can pinch hit for me, Z, the next time I get up.
Here is the reason Desipio kicks so much ass. I have 3 tabs open in Firefox. TWO are devoted to Desipio. One for this, and one for the “1 game out” thread.
In case you were wondering, the third is for porn.
That Nate Robertson, now there’s a handsome man. It’s great to see a young pitcher who understands how to wear a proper mustache. Bravo.
Andy went to the game yesterday? Was he singing “We Shall Overcome” in the bleachers with Pollyellon?
Hey, Pat! Over eat your Colon Blow this morning?
17 dingers for Rusch. A few more and he’ll be Jon Garland.
can somebody just shoot me now?
G-Unit just serving them up.
What’s this DFA you speak of?
The Angry Inge = nickname of the year.
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
My corpse could pitch better than this.
So, releasing a $4.5mm precommitted salary will make the Chandler’s feel good or bad?
Wow, my over under on the G-Unit was 4 innings. Too bad you can’t find a bookie to bet these kind of things. Better warm up that Motorola.
sheesh, even the ones not leaving the park are hitting the wall or the warning track.
I’m getting lit up like strom thrumans birthday cake….mmmmm….cake.
Keep the faith! Believe! Patience! Come enjoy the weather!
Glendon is not fooling anyone right now. In fact, no one since Jim Hendry last winter.
“Rusch is leaving too many pitches over the plate…” You think so, Dr.?
It’s like watching someone slowly drive a car into a brick wall.
Get in line, #31.
#35,
You also forgot to mention how nice the ivy looks today.
And the driver is blowing his horn.
“You right, Ron, the DH is in effect in American League parks but not in National League parks”…
Did Barrett get the axe today?
Once again…with vigor: “BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!
At least I still can get American League pitchers out some of the time.
That’s my little “fuck you” to the White Sox.
Thanks for the Mamories folks.
I’m done and donerer.
Hey Steve, toss me a brewski.
good call andy:
“Whoever pinch hits for whoever comes in to relieve Glendon in the second, ph”
Angel Guzman is in? The fight around me is going to continue….
You guys see me take batting practice? I swing like a girl. Where’s my insulin?
Pat: So Ron, tell us about Guzman
Ron: This kid sucks…
Pat..ooook.
My bloated, booze riddled corpse could also pitch better than this.
52, that so far is the funniest that I’ve read today. Thanks.
Hi Glendon, didn’t expect to see you so soon!
Pat: Another sell out today, Ron
Ron: Unbelivable Pat, unbelievable. All these Cub fans…where do all these idiots come from? Do you know how much it costs to watch this crap nowadays? It’s amazing they still come out….
Pat: Indeed Ron. Leading off the inning…
what is more fun, watching this game or trying to come up with obscure and lousy former cubs?
How much for the women? How much for the little girl playing center field?
Dan, most of us got eliminated in the early rounds, that’s why we’re here.
Get off of me!
Get ready female doggies. I’m about to go on a tear…
On second thought, one hit today is enough. I’m getting sleepy…
Godamnit Santo! It’s Mabry, not May-BERRY!
Hank White with a RBI hit in his first game of expanded playing time
Big ups to Andy for calling in the lineups at the top of the page that Glendon would get replaced in the second.
Shit! I should pulled a double switch there… stupid stupid stupid
So #59, basically what you are saying is that this can be considered sort of the “losers circle?”
Oh, how humiliating.
Playing time, bitches! I need it!
“Juan Pierre grounds out sharply, pitcher Nate Robertson to first baseman Chris Shelton.”
The Cubs pay me to insert snappy little adverbs like “sharply” in to Juan Pierre’s out descriptions. It makes them feel better when he grounds out to the pitcher. Again.
How did I not score from third on a single to shallow left center?
Hank White and Juan Pierre have an equal number of RBIs for the season.
Never mind Jock, we just suck today.
Always fascinating when he talks about me…
I am far more facinating than this game.
Don’t worry, #67, I’m about to give you a bunch of playing time.
Um, sorry John, but I think Santo is Right.
It’s Mayberry.
We also would have accepted Tom Berringer.
My trade value continues to rise….
Someone ought to come up with a nickname for me.
What more do you want?
#77, do I have a nickname for you yet?
Leather?
Pleather?
Lardass?
He is now Phil “Oceans A” Nevin.
I’m with you, fatass.
I hate when dusty plays me on Day games.
Doesn’t he know I burn easily?
Better than my last nickiname:
Phil. A. Sheeyoh.
Make that Phil “Oceans E” Nevin. Sounds better.
i’ll be at the Game next Monday (vs. Milwaukee)
any good sign ideas?
I’ll be 15 rows behind homeplate just off to the 1st base side.
You’re with me Deadspin catchphrase.
I heard Berman is doing the US Open. For once I’m really glad I don’t like to watch golf on tv.
Anyone watching the game care to comment on how filthy my pitching is today? Or have the Tigers not realized I’m not white and Glendon’s 78mph changeup left the game 5 outs ago?
Dan,
I’m rooting for, “SAVE THE CUBS! EAT AVOCADOS!”
I’m ON today!
It’s a shame I spotted them a four-run lead.
what the hell is that kid doing out there? Get him out of there before he gets a contract extension!
I like it Kermit.
I like it very much.
what the hell is that kid doing out there? Get him out of there before he gets me a contract extension!
I’m dealing bitches.
Today I be da ballz mang. Mebbe you start me next time Glendung turn comes up. Too bad I no do this when it matters, eh? Hee hee hee!
Dan,
Feel free to use one of the ones I couldn’t get on, as well. I personally liked, “Bob Brenly’s Mustache Rocks! Now, More Than Ever! -Desipio.com”
Gamecast says Shelton to second on passed ball.
No fuckin’ way. No.
Allow me to introduce myself… my names is c**ktease!
W ould it be considered
G enocide if somebody
N uked the entire Cubs organization?
I’d say Jock is saving this season right now.
Dan,
2 Year Extension for Last Place?
Hey, Is there any room for me in the lineup?
#98, it hasn’t “mattered” since the 2nd week of April.
Ryno, there’s room for your whole team in my crotch.
Hank?
Miss me? Oog…
Feel the power, beetches!!!! I have big hairy cojones!
Damn. Whitey just went yard.
I am no going to carry this team on my back for the next 98 games female doges.
Can anyone confirm if I got a shout-out today?
Follow me, mang! Follow me to FREEDOM! Come on! Guys, we go! Guys?
Chicks dig the long ball.
I have big hairy cojones!
I guess you haven’t worked with me yet.
The Cubs are back up in me for the time being. Yay, Hank! I feel the power, most definitely.
Hey don’t forget about me guys! I punched A.J. in the neck, which almost made him stagger!
Did Pudge punch Hank in the face when he finished his trot?
Hey #118, you got to live out everyone in baseball’s dream by decking me. At least you got that going for you, which is nice.
Sorry, I had to take a dump… what did Angel do while I was gone?…
How many Ks? Hahahha, that;s funny… oh well, back to work.
“Playable for Ramirez IF HE SEES IT…”
Nice call.
Good Lord I suck!
Not as badly as I do, #123. Not even close. GO TO VEHIX DOT COM!
Dusty, there’s too many wilting whiteies on the field. You asked for it…feel my wrath!
I seem to have taken an extended break
yawn,
what did you say 126? sorry, I dozed off.
sometimes I wonder if these cubs-casts are just me and one other dude making bad jokes as 40 different charcters.
My bet is on at least 5 idiots making bad jokes.
I am in me (?) that people are still following this fucking game.
it appears I’m no longer needed…
spells relief. Mang.
2 walks today. Is that a club record?
Nope, Phillipe. But it’ll earn you a week on the bench.
Nacho Cheez, Nursing Homes, what the hell am I talking about?
Bob, do you have any tatoos?
(what the hell is going on)
Geez, how can I have such a great voice and be such a horrible singer?
I don’t care what they say — I’ll never get tired of Ron Santo. Unless he gets tired. Or I get tired. Isn’t Ron always tired, though? Time paradox?
Where is Lenny Harris when I need him?
Sorry Dusty, Lenny’s with me right now.
Can we not bring up GAY people? Cuz some minorities are gay. So…paradox.
I hear there is a guy named Corey Patterson who plays for the Orioles. Think we can trade for him and use him as our leadoff man?
And I’m with Chris Berman at the Open
Oh man, even in the midst of yet another futile effort by the Cubs, the photo of David Aardsma on MLB Gameday never gets old.
Can I get a JJP for that?
Jock Jones can either be brilliant or a complete idiot. There’s no middle ground with the guy.
Aardsma looks like the crazy uncle your family doesn’t talk about.
In my family, we talk about not talking about the crazy uncle. So, paradox, or something?
Hey #146, shut up, and stop talking about my uncle.
This is almost is good as the Johnson and Johsnon matchup the other day.
This matchup should end up with a walk!
^^^
Wish I’d thought of that…
I’m about as useful as Glen-done right about now.
Haha! that’s hilarious, end it with a walk….ha ha good one Len!
But, I’m still enjoy crushing your skull with my knee.
Anyone got a B-12 shot?
I sure didn’t think that the last pitch to Murton was a strike…
I will give you a roundhouse kick to the face for that
Interesting move, interesting move indeed.
Hmmmm… Womack or Mayberry? Mayberry or Womack?
Woof.
I can’t think of a joke…to hell with it.
My ERA’s over 7, by the way.
I can’t say enough about the high quality of facial har from this Detroit Tigers pitching staff. Todd Jones, Nate Robertson. These guys just totally “get it”
You’re with me, disappointment.
Yes! Tigers Win.
Now, where did I leave the keys to the….
HIGGINS!!
What am I, chopped liver?
‘Topes lose. ‘Topes lose.
Well theres another 3 hours of my life I’ll never have back again.
How much longer before Andy pulls the plug on me?
If you guys are still keeping track:
CHC After 66 games: 26-40 (2006)
HOU After 66 games: 28-38 (2005)
hmm…………..
Andy you write to Len Kasper more then you write to your site nowadays.
HANK WHITE!!!
andy, youre like dusty baker. you make a great website, good enough to go to the NLCS. then you whack off all day instead of writing and it goes to shit, now you find yourself 16 games under in mid june. youre dusty duuuuuude!