Yesterday’s 10-2 win by the Cubs was, to say the least, an interesting way to cap off the day. I spent some time in the morning detailing some things that were pissing me off (such as the Cubs, Jock Jones, pseudo-intellectual stat geek fanboys, Jock Jones, opportunistic peddlers of meaninglessness,Ron Santo’s inattentiveness, the Milwaukee Brewers, Jock Jones, Jock Jones and Jock Jones.)
Then, the Cubs win easily against the hottest team in the National League, and Jock Jones not only gets four hits, but drives in four runs. Matt Murton makes a great defensive play and then hits a homer about four minutes later. Ted Lilly can’t throw his curveball within nine feet of home plate and still wins easily.
But the most surreal moment happened relatively early on in the game. When I was subtly bitch slapped by Cubs’ TV play-by-play guy Len Kasper.
Sitting at home I thought, “Hey, it’s almost like he’s talking to me!” as he started a defense of the current Cubs’ team by saying that “some of the blogs are starting to panic” and then he detailed, much as I did in the preamble to the column yesterday, that every team goes through lulls and nobody can play great all of the time, but that the Cubs are in great position and on and on and on.
All of that is true. Well, except for the panicked part. I’m not panicked. I’m pissed. Twice this summer the Brewers have gone into the tank and both times the Cubs have dove in headlong along side them.
The past week was the most frustrating since the knee to the crotch finish in 2004. It wasn’t just that the Cubs went 1-6, it was how they did it. They went right back to playing the soul crushing fiesta of feces brand of baseball we disgustedly watched in April and May.
But there I was, watching the game and being talked off the ledge (and basically being called a moran) by the play-by-play announcer. Surreal, to say the least.
I’m not being an egomaniac here. I know that was directed at, or at least about me. I was well ahead of the curve in throwing the Cubs under the bus. Sure, Chuck did it, but that’s to be expected. Pollyellon’s still basking the glory of seeing Tom Glavine’s 300th win, and the stat nerds are trying to figure out how to get Adam Dunn’s size 54 pants through waivers.
Hey, a win, and an easy one did wonders for my mood. For 21 hours anyway.
And for the record, I still think everyone with a “It’s Gonna Happen” t-shirt should immediately be set on fire.
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The Cubs put a waiver claim on White Juan Pierre last night and are currently talking with the White Sox about acquiring Scotty Fabulous. This is a great move. It’ll take some of the heat off Jock because we’ll have a new useless assbag to boo.
The Cubs don’t have enough Judy hitting, defensive headcases, so picking up this douche makes all the sense in the world. Too bad Daryl Stingley’s not still alive, they could have had him drive out to left for a few innings and see how that worked.
Even though Scott is a flaming homosexual, at least his “beard” is the superhot Lisa Dergan. Scotty does know that before she was pretending to have sex with him, she was actually having sex with Michael Bay, right? Who can resist the genius behind Pearl Harbor or Bad Boys 2? Well, at least Scotty’s got somebody pretty on his arm when they walk the red carpet into Walgreens to refill their Valtrex prescriptions together.
woo woo I’m back
woo woo to let you know
woo woo the cards suck
woo woo and joe morgan too
woo woo
There.
Was I so hard?
She’s thinking…”Mark, would you turn down Sammy’s ghetto blaster?”
Nice dose–I’m writing this moments after Jock got caught between 3rd and home. On one hand he stopped the double play. On the other, it was retarded baserunning.
Ends up the double play he averted bought us 2 runs…because Jason Kendall got a clutch two-out hit. Go figure.
I was breakdancing, yo!
There has been a sighting
My name i spelled J A C Q U E. Learn to spell it, cuz I’ve been producing for this ball club since the All Star break ended.
I just homered, breaking in my second RBI of today’s game, and I love proving bitches like you wrong.
Even a titmouse could produce in my sample size, Jacque.
Jock I was, Jock I will be, forever and ever, amen.
Yeah, but I gotta be me.
Will Pods wear me if the Cubs get him?
You know what you have to do now, Dolan, don’t you?
I hope the Cubs get Scotty Fabs so that I can be heard by the masses.
Watch me destroy the soul of desipio should Podsednik become a Cub.
So does this mean we’ll be getting SATURDAY Doses too? Game starts in 4 hours, pal.
Ahem.
No dose, no Cubs victory. Christ, Andy–won’t you think of the children? We’re a game-and-a-half back now!
I wouldn’t worry about anything I say. It is pretty obvious during every game that I suck and the only reason I may sound like I know something is because the asshole catcher next to me is so profoundly horrible at announcing.