Pitching Matchup:
Cubs: Mark Prior 4-3, 4.60 ERA
Montreal: Livan Hernandez 9-12, 3.79 ERA
All right, we’ll try this for tonight and see if it works. If it does, we might have another night game or two (Other than the afternoon games, which Andy will still open up) here on Desipio before the end of the season.
The Cubs’ lineup:
Corey Patterson CF
Derrek Lee 1B
NOMAHHHHHH SS
Moises Alou LF
Sammy Sosa RF
Aramis Ramirez 3B
Todd Walker 2B
Michael Barrett C
Mark Prior P
Today’s news: The Cubs acquired C Mike DiFelice and OF Ben Grieve for players to be named. Grieve was with the Brewers and DeFelice, I believe, was with the Tigers.
Expos lineup:
Brad Wilkerson, 1B
Endy Chavez, CF
Tony Batista, 3B
Terrmel Sledge, LF
Juan Rivera, RF
Alex S. Gonzalez, SS
Brian Schneider, C
Maicer Izturis, 2B
Livan Hernandez, P
Yes, I know the time on the thread title is wrong. It is being corrected as I speak.
We love the background!
"Expose the competition…"
At least the FSN lead-in announcer can do a little bit of word play.
First pitch: 6:09 PM CT
Patterson takes a strike.
I’m the newest Cub. Yippie!
Short first inning, and the Cubs go down quietly.
Mark Prior to the mound…
Me or Gabor? who will be the primary backup?
Ah shit, Mark, join the ranks of me and Ray Burris…
Or not.
4.72 and rising
Dusty Baker’s a dumbfuck. Why does he keep trotting that Prior guy out there every fifth game? He is a pussy with no balls.
Why does he play guys like Nomar and Derrek Lee? They make outs more than 65 percent of the time!
The Cubs are going nowhere!
I told you. Nomar is a HUGE defensive liability.
The Cubs won’t win another game with him.
The Red Sox will win the World Series.
Well, here we go again.
Take that Cubs fans!
4.91
Last season was a FLUKE
The Cubs are LYING!
Make that 5.03
Prior just can’t hit a spot Barrett is giving him.
Sorry Mark, but you wouldn’t pitch on the Jasper HS team.
As you may know, throwing strikes is easy. Anyone can do it.
Maybe I should hope Prior does not get hit by a line drive
With the performance so far, Prior will be lucky to get past the third.
Damn, that Barbara Bush is hot!!!!!!!!!
What a horses**t start. Franchise in the pen if they make the playoffs?
Watch USA/Canada on ESPN2 instead.
Jenna’s lookin’ pretty chunky these days, tho.
Kerry Wood and I were rivals in high school — the scouts first noticed him when they were checking me out. At least he can’t strike me out anymore.
Maybe if I piss on my feet I’ll run the bases better?
At least I don’t have to worry about who’ll be the odd man out in the rotation come playoff time.
I just made some of my previous baserunning errors look like good running by comparision.
Remember when I was the best pitcher in baseball, went 18-6 and nearly won the Cy Young award??
That was awesome.
Who taught me how to run the bases?
As I take the mound already down 4-0, I thought I’d treat you to a picture of Natalie Coughlin, Michelle Kwan and me (and two guys you’ve never heard of).
But Natalie Coughlin!
Stop being so negative, Chip and Steve!!!
She may be a tad chunky, but of the two, I bet Jenna humps like a rabbit in heat. Something about her says "Big snake find third input". Or something.
I am officially off the Prior and Alou bandwagons if I ever was on them in the first place. Dolan, you putz, Prior The Franchise? Of what, the Kenzie Street White Castle??
And that’s why (Re: Alou’s stupid baserunning) this team is where it is. This team has no fundamentals.
Nice pic, but what we need to know is, can Natalie pitch out of the bullpen? ‘Cuz you sure caint, Prior.
If he keeps this up, Prior will be The Franchise of my city’s baseball team.
losing members fast
Well let’s look at this picture:
At left is Dave Otto, sub for Ron Santo. In the middle is me, perennial out-of-town scores guy and sub for Ron Santo. At right is Mark Prior, future sub for Orion Samuelson.
Remember my post from yesterday’s dose? How it’s hard to like this year’s Cubs because so many of the players are complete assholes?
Amazingly, my hatred for Alou has notched up to a new level. His ignorance defies words. OK Dolan, time to replace the Bak-0-meter on the front page with Alouser meter. I’m serious. The guy needs Depends for the brain.
HOU 1
CIN 0
Top 3rd
FLA 0
NYM 0
Bot 2nd
ANA 0
BOS 5
Top 3rd
CLE 6
NYY 0
Bot 2nd
Oh man… This was the worst nightmare I had:
We finally get patient and get a walk, and then Barrett hits into a double play. Yuck.
Mark Prior: 1-2-3 inning…
Maybe he was just pretending like he was Matt Clement. Give up four runs in a game he knows the Cubs can’t get more than 3 in.
We need to score here…
Did Chip and Steve, like, talk to everybody in the past 24 hours?
Moises: F8
Sammy: K
Yuck.
HOU 1
CIN 0
Bot 4th
FLA 2
NYM 0
Top 4th
ANA 0
BOS 5
Bot 4th
CLE 9
NYY 0
Bot 3rd
SDG 0
STL 0
Bot 1st
1 down, 754 to go!
I just went deep. 2-0 Astos.
I just did what Carlos did. 3-0 Astros.
I just did what Carlos and Jeff did. 4-0 Astros.
Now that’s strategy, Dusty!
What?!?!?!?
Dusty warms up Wellemeyer if Prior’s spot comes up. Barrett gets a hit, so runners are at 1st and 2nd with one out.
And he leaves Prior in!
What is with that?
Now that’s strategy, Dusty!
It’s so good, I had to say it twice.
I’m doing everything well tonight. I fail to get a bunt down.
That Wellemeyer comes in anyways because Dusty didn’t want to use a pinch hitter early.
Prior sucks tonight so let’s have him hit, and waste our best scoring chance.
Right there proves it…
Dusty isn’t a shaky in-game manager.
Dusty is a BAD in-game manager.
Un-freaking-believable.
Hey, good news. We’re up 2-0.
Bunting with two strikes.
Hey maybe Prior will go on the DL tomorrow from kicking the Gatorade cooler.
My projected Wild Card Standings after tonight:
Cubs — (L)
Giants — (W)
Padres 1/2 GB (L)
Marlins 3 GB (W)
Astros 3 GB (W)
Great.
Mark Prior is undoubtedly the worst pitcher in baseball.
Also, I love the Cardinals.
See I wanted to let Mark stay in the game, so could get us 3 more outs, and also I wanted to have him bunt. But don’t worry Chip just told me what have "thunder" coming up. Giddy up time boys.
How much you want to bet these three guys will see less than 10 pitches?
That’s how you bunt Prior.
Mark Prior lowers his earned run average MARK to a scant 4.87 PRIOR to the top half of the sixth inning of baseball being played tonight in Montreal on August 31st.
Is Wellemeyer warm yet? If not, let’s give him another 6 innings.
We love talking about how great Albie Pujols is during Cub telecasts.
Nine pitches seen that inning. Great.
Well, hasn’t this game been fun?
Yeesh.
Last time we let you do a gamecast BC.
is showing the movie Major League right now. You know, where the team with no talent overachieves in order to barely make the playoffs. Basically the opposite of the 2004 Cubs.
I am at my worst tonight, and I am a flaming fag.
I see Chip’s French is probably as bad as my Spanish.
I just walked Josh Beckett with 2 outs, and the bases loaded. 3-0 Marlins.
Wheels. Flying. Off.
I’m being a real prick tonight. "At the risk of complimenting opponenents…" that one was for you Kent.
I just singled with the bases loaded. 5-0 Marlins.
Chip and Steve hate us! They talked about the MVP and didn’t even mention a single Cub. How could you leave out… um… errrr… Oh. Okay.
Well, Moises has a shot at the first ever 40-40 season: 40 HRs and 40 horrible outs run into on the bases. That counts for something, right?
We’re talking about Barney the Dinosaur and Telletubbies.
74, you’re wrong.
Chip just made sure to tell us he’s not the purple Teletubby.
Hey, I had to join in the fun!
I have had the team’s best offense tonight by going 0-1 with 2 walks. And I think I saw more pitches than everyone else combined. Lame.
Here I come to… not save the day!!!???
It’s very contagious.
I’m serious, I have a major hard-on for Barbara Bush, I’d like to see her hair in a ponytail wearing a plaid miniskirt and white cotton panties, but I digress….
The Cubs really suck, don’t they?? Does anyone honestly think these numnuts are going to the playoffs? I don’t.
Yo Dolan, your girl was just on MSNBC interviewing Ralph Reed. She looks hot as ever. I can smell the wafting aroma of her 30th Winston for the night from here.
It is obvious what the problem is here, Andy. The Desipio Home Girls need to return, and like, now. Pictures with every dose and gamecast. They worked last year, time to get them here now as well. Campbell. Eliza. Thora. Get on it.
As in Birch? Cuz, ew.
First of all, #10 wasn’t me. Someone’s a wannabe Basher. There’s only one Baker Basher here.
I’m telling you from what I saw from last night’s game, tonight isn’t a big surprise. Who hit the ball last night, Maddux and surprisingly Gabor Bako? Who pitched well but Maddux? The rest of the team didn’t do diddly. Let’s try and sleepwalk with beating the Expos- that’s this team’s motto. It’s caught up with them again tonight.
Too much pampering on this team by Baker makes a pathetic prideless team that thinks everything should be easy and given to them like this wild card race. Pampering Prior, seating guys out like Ramirez and Nomar doesn’t send any message to anyone except this group of pansies. Dusty’s actions states that it is Ok to slide by and not have to go 100%.
Well I know this, these managerial moves and this play will 100% solidify no playoffs in Oct.
Somebody needs to take a stand here. If Jim Hendry himself needs to go down there in the dugout and lead, so be it. Baker sure the hell isn’t a leader and evidently no player on this team is a leader.
Yippee! We have FOUR HITS now!
HI BASHER!!!!!1
And it’s over.
You would like to say the Cubs played badly.
But that would be a gross understatement. No excuse to be four-hit in the middle of a playoff race. No excuse!
Oops, no win #1001 for me!
Nice trade Jim! Ben Grieve and Gabor Paul Bako III- They’ll help a lot, maybe to carry the equipment bags.
Dude, I totally saved this offense from looking utterly recockulous with my 9th inning hit. 4 hit shutout looks a lot better than a 3 hit shutout. And now Dusty has ’em right where he wants ’em. Word.
Hey, I missed the beginning of the game, can somebody tell me what Alou’s stupid baserunning play was? I need to raise my blood pressure.
CT, Alou was on first with one out.
Ramirez hits a fly ball to right, Alou thought it was going to fall, so instead of standing between first and second like he probably should have, he just goes full speed towards third. Only problem: The ball was easily caught by the right fielder, and it was a double play.
Hate away. I was one dropped baseball away from giving up only 2 runs. I suck, but I do know how to pitch. Feel free to jump right off the Prior bandwagon, suckers, cuz I’ll be back.
Hey, buddy, but my fielding % is so good!
You did forget to mention that Alou was running on the play, replies did show that he picked the ball up quickly. So it was a dumbass play that Alou is so good at.
"First of all, #10 wasn’t me. Someone’s a wannabe Basher. There’s only one Baker Basher here."
Pretty gay.
As for Alou, yea he’s an idiot, but he’s a talented idiot, so, while he’s here, I guess he has to be put up with. Next year, he won’t.
And Prior will be Prior again if he gets a normal offseason and pre-season under his belt. This was just a lost year for him, almost. But anyone calling him a fluke, or balking at calling him The Franchise, is just being ignorant. I don’t expect him to have even one of his usual (usual being last year and his minor league starts this year and his first start this year) starts for the rest of the year, where he’s totally on his game. It really is a lost year, for him. But if he doesn’t recover fully next season, and at least get back to 2003 form, I’ll be surprised. Remember, Kerry Wood had an AWFUL 2000 season.
whoa. Just home from work. And I thought I had a bad day…
Luckily, Mattus, Jim Edmonds had a good day; and no cocker spaniels were injured in the filming of this movie.
87-44, 15.5 games up.
Now that was a rough night…
Hope you enjoyed seeing me as a reminder every 15 minutes tonight! My favorite part is when Alou trots into third while asking Wendell Kim if the ball had been caught.
WHOA! I wasn’t waving him that time.
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