Cubs’ shortstop Ronny Cedeno was leading the Pacific Coast League with a .360 batting average when the club recalled him on Monday. Immediately some of the irrational teenagers over at the four-letter message board began clamoring for Ronny to take over shortstop from Ryan Theriot.
Sigh.
They are never going to get it, are they?
It’s one thing that they are in a perpetual state of Adam Dunn worship (I, too, really enjoy watching 290 pound leftfielders walk, homer and strike out) or that they seem to really, really, really like Matt Murton, or that one of them has an avatar that includes (not making this up) Murton, Jack Bauer, Albus Dumbeldore and Rashied Davis. That’s right. A AAA outfielder, a 5’6 terror fighting badass, a dead wizard and an Arena League alum. Oh, did I mention that under those four pictures it says, “Hell yeah!”? I didn’t? Never mind.
Spoiler alert!
You will die alone.
The love for Ronny Cedeno shocked me, actually. For many reasons.
First, Ronny’s one of the dumbest Cubs ever. That’s a feat. This is a team that over the years has given uniforms to Kyle Farnsworth, Roberto Novoa (the same one, probably), Jose Nieves, Michael Barrett, Mitch Webster, Manny Alexander, Candy Maldonado…and I could go on, literally for hours. Anyway, lots of dumb guys. Ronny might be the dumbest one.
He never appears to know how many outs there are, if there are any runners on base, what the score is or what color the sky is. He cost the Cubs a game when he overslid second base advancing from first to second on a WALK!
Second, Ronny, for all of this obvious physical gifts, is not a good defensive player. His throwing is erratic, he has an innate ability to either charge in, or lay back, whatever it takes to get the worst possible hop on a grounder. He is pretty good at chasing pop-ups, though like many other Cubs he refuses to ever call for, or listen to anyone else calling for, a the same pop up.
Apparently, the love for Ronny stems from his .360 batting average in Des Moines. This ignores the fact that Felix Pie turns into Ichiro when he hits the field there and Geovany Soto becomes Johnny Bench. In other words, what you hit in the Pacific Coast League has very little bearing on what you’ll hit in the big leagues. It makes about as much sense as Iowa being in the PACIFIC COAST anything. His big league history suggests that he’s one of those players who will hit a homer and it will immediately send him into an 0-21 slump because he’ll think he can do that every time. He’s a moron.
Here’s what we know. Ryan Theriot and Mike Fontenot are two of the biggest reasons the Cubs have turned what was looking like another shitty season into one that’s been a lot of fun to watch. You know why?
Because they’re not dumb. Neither one is as physically gifted as Ronny. They’re both a little too small. They don’t have his strong throwing arm. But the gritty little bastards just keep making plays and getting hits.
Theriot doesn’t look like much when he fields grounders and heaves his throws over to first, but you know what? The ball seems to always arrive just before the baserunner. It doesn’t matter what it looks like. The result is what matters.
Fontenot’s the same way. He’s 5’8 and twice a week he gets launched into left center by a runner trying to break up a double play. Yet, the ball seems to always make it safely to first before the runner can say the same.
One or both of them seems to be in the middle of every big rally the Cubs’ offense produces. Neither of them ever gives up an at bat. Both use the whole field when they are hitting, they can run the bases without a map and flashlight.
The Cubs are a team built around superstars. You don’t pay the multi-millions they do to Alfonso Soriano, Derrek Lee, E-ramis and Carlos Zambrano and pretend otherwise. But the best thing Lou Piniella has done is turn key spots in the lineup over to guys who are simply good at playing baseball. That would be Ryan and Mike and Mark DeRosa. At the end of the year none of the three will have exceptional stats (DeRosa’s are going to look pretty good, though) but they are the biggest difference between this being a bad Cubs’ team with a few good players and the best team in the bigs since June started.
This isn’t a case, though of being a baseball Neanderthal and ignoring stats to tell people how great these gutty little guys are. I’m not channeling Joe Morgan here.
Theriot’s settled into the shortstop job and the second spot in the order. His on base average when he bats second is .375.
Fontenot weighs 160 pounds (even Tim McCarver can see that) and is slugging .501. He’s hitting .333 on the season and getting on base at a .372 clip.
How about Theriot’s OPS against the NL Central? It’s 1.066 against Cincinnati, 1.042 against Pissburgh, .989 against Milwaukee, .971 against Houston and .640 against St. Louis. OK, so the last one needs work. But given the number of games the Cubs have left with Cincinnati, Pissburgh, and Houston and that the three left with Milwaukee might be kind of important, you can see why Lou has given the shortstop job to Ryan.
He’s responded in July, too. He’s hitting .349 with a .431 on base average and a .901 OPS. So yeah, let’s just hand the job to Ronny. Ryan’s clearly not up to the task.
The best part of this is that Lou Piniella isn’t blinded by tools like Dusty Baker was. Dusty only valued two things in players, whatever stats they had on the back of their bubblegum cards and what they looked like in the uniform (actually, neither of those explains his fascination with Lenny Harris). He only played Theriot last September because Jim Hendry gave away the rest of the second basemen. If Dusty was here, Cesar Izturis would still be at short, DeRosa wouldn’t have played an inning anywhere but second and Fontenot would be hitting .511 in Iowa.
So yeah. We’re pretty happy with how things are turning out. Somebody get a crayon and try to explain this to Ronny.
Amen.
By the way, Len Kasper wished you guys Happy Birthday during the game Wednesday night. I am also a proud owner of a “Hank White Fan Club” t-shirt!
I def post over there because the fact was I didn’t know this exsisted, but man I’m here to stay after reading this post. I try and try over there to talk about theriot, but it only gets shot down…and yea the adam dunn thing is outta control…I hate adam dunn just because of that message board
Achhh! Interesting problem. Lie down on my couch and tell me about it.
I had great tools…look how many pennants we won!
Of course I propped the 10th birthday. I wish I had as much baseball knowlege in my whole body as Dolan keeps under his right pinky nail. Just sayin’.
If Theriot was that good would I still be saying Therry-Ott? I think not.
I, on the other hand, have seen the light. I’m travelling over to the other side. I love me some Adam Dunn, and his huge throbbing VORP.
Of course we’re smarter than Ronny. We may be from the swomp, but at leest we went to collidge!
“If Dusty was here, Cesar Izturis would still be at short, DeRosa wouldn’t have played an inning anywhere but second and Fontenot would be hitting .511 in Iowa.”
Truest words I ever heard. Is “truest” even a word?
It is now, 8. Did someone read this aloud to you? When get old and ancient, I’m gonna have my wife read desipio to me while I piss on myself. I’m still young though so I have her piss on me while I read desipio. Yummy.
Thank goodness for LSU.
Bring back Ricky Gutierrez!
I’m needed to erase the mental image of Apex’s wife relieving herself.
As long as Ronny gets no more than one start a week, I’m fine with his being called up. Ideally, I would’ve like to have seen him traded while he was leading the PCL in hitting while he still had some value. Getting him up here will do nothing but diminish his trade value as he’ll be exposed for the dumb**** he is. Maybe he can swapped for some therapy for Apex.
Nice post, Andy.
And people keep wondering why the Cubs are winning suddenly. Cleansed of most of the stupidity, things really seem to be coming together. Big fucking surprise. Even Billy Idol gets it.
What the stink is with Phil demanding power numbers. It’s not OK to win with good pitching and singles??? D-Lee, A-Ram, and Soriano must hit a homer every game for it to really count. Will someone punch Phil Rodgers in the face for me?
“Dusty only valued two things in players, whatever stats they had on the back of their bubblegum cards and what they looked like in the uniform (actually, neither of those explains his fascination with Lenny Harris).”
I played Lenny Harris because he was a proven veteran, dude. Then they told me to play the kids. I had never been told that in my career. Who’s this Derrek Lee kid compared to a proven veteran?
“So yeah. We’re pretty happy with how things are turning out. Somebody get a crayon and try to explain this to Ronny.”
That line is gold.
Also, Re: 14, I caught ESPN’s replay of last night’s game and heard Steve Phillips bitching about the same thing. Steve Phillips! These morans need to cram it.
Don’t get me wrong, if Dunn’s bat landed in the middle of the Cubs’ lineup, I wouldn’t be crying. But I don’t worship the altar of the VORPmonster. But suggesting that RonCe start over Theriot? I didn’t realize Dusty Baker retardedness was as common in the population as it apparently is. Oh well, the world being its Darwinian self, we’ll be celebrating birthday 15 over here, and NSBB will be mourning Dunn’s retirement.
Also, random stat from my Fowl loving dad. Ron Ce’s oversliding 2nd really cemented St. Louis’ only W in a game in which they’ve scored 2 or fewer runs all season.
Didn’t I have another two-out RBI last night? I play well when people cheer for me and don’t yell at my mother. Please cheer for me.
Oh crap, almost forgot…please don’t trade me again or whatever and I’ve always hated Adam Dunn. Let’s just leave the team alone.
I absolutely agree with #12. They should have kept him there to raise his trade value. I hate Ronny so much, I would take a can of Spam for him right now…
Ronny, you suck do be damned. You actually need a new word to describe your level of suckage and Ineptitude. You are an utter dumf*ck!!
Andy, you forgot to include Neifi Perez in that list of dumb players the organization has given uni’s to. Great post Andy BTW!!
When it all comes down to it, I am all that matters in baseball. “HRs sell tickets!” you say? Well guess what? I sell way more tickets than those do. “HRs win games!” Well guess what? Not when you’re losing by eight runs and someone hits a solo shot.
I think the Cajun Connection, our new catchers and Big Z screwing his head on straight are the biggest reasons I have been around more this year.
They lost the lead, then tied it in the 9th, then won it in the 10th. Holy cow!
I existed in the Reds-Brewers game today.
I did not.
Andy, you misspelled moron.
I mean you misspelled moran. Sorry dudes, I’m clogging up the boards today.
Thanks innings, but the big question is will I exist today on Desipio?
I’m 4-10 against the Nationals, Giants, Pirates and Reds. Pretty sure all of those teams are in last place in their division. I’ll tell you for sure when I get down there.
I’m 5’10”, you asshole!
I am here to ruin your fun!
That’s FUNG, you venezuelan fuck!
I here to ruing jo fung gringo
You want to see idiots on a message board? Go to the myspace Cubs discussion groups. It’ll make you want to light yourself on fire.
I hate them all.
Game threads have something against me I think. I mean, I know I’m young and all….
Is it really that hard to create me? All you do is say: Cubs Live! and come up with ‘clever’ names for the starting pitchers. The commentors do the rest!
Kendall did what I would’ve done – at least over a span of 2 years – but Jock went in like a panzy in Ssssssssssinsy
one tetanus shot please.
Oh, and a rabies vaccine and an
AIDS test.
shit wheres my wallet!!>?!
I just blew my five save in one month. Man I suck!
looks like I got my base running skills from jaque jones
I can’t agree more. Come on’! We desipiots are foaming at the mouth with creative things to say during the game!!
Andy,
We must get a message to David Wells. If he is facing Barry with the potential to give up 755, Wells needs to groove every pitch batting practice style down the middle of the plate at about 60 mph. Wells would do it. Barry is going to get the record. It’s inevitable. But since he is embarrassing baseball, someone needs to take the wind out his sails. Imagine that kind of treatment. The entire thing is a joke, so make it truly laughable.
Bonds would go ape shit.
Now, how do we send word to Wells or any other west coast pitcher?
We’re counting on you.
Greatness. I can’t believe I found a Cubs site that makes sense.
Cedeno jumped on the first pitch he saw last night with two runners on and a pitcher who was becoming wild. Guess what? He’s out! I hope he sits until we clinch.