Over the next few weeks the Dose will become semi irregular. I know, how will you tell? But really, for almost six months now it’s been an every weekday thing. So, you’ll get used to it. Sign up for the Desipio Insider, as I’ll send out a notice whenever there’s new content. Or you can just check back every day, like you’re supposed to.
Just because there might not be a dose every Monday-Friday for a while doesn’t mean there won’t be GameCasts and odd articles (like this one), so you won’t feel too left out. I don’t want to go all “Sports Guy” on you and obsess over how busy I am and put a cheesy little “Next Article Coming…” thing on the site. Besides, it’s not like I plan this stuff out too intently.
Anyway, don’t forget the Braves-Astros Game Two GameCast today at 3 p.m., and in the meantime you’ve got this award-winning rendition of “Things I’m Loathe to Admit.” It’s been a while since I’ve done one of these.
I watched “The Passion of the Christ” over the weekend and I have three very deep observations:
– There’s at least one too many “the’s” in that title.
– Jesus can really take a punch. Wow.
– I honestly thought that the son of God would have had better teeth.
I actually make a point to look for new episodes of “Barely Famous: The Warren Brothers” on CMT. I love those guys. I might actually even buy their new CD. Or, I could just use Morpheus and steal the tracks for free. Actually, I’m leaning towards that.
Thanks to TiVo I don’t miss an episode of “Blue Collar TV” either. I very well could be de-evolving back into a redneck. Who knew?
I am now obsessing over the fact that neither my cable company or DirecTV has picked up Comcast SportsNet Chicago. I mean, what’s the wait? I haven’t seen Dan Jiggett’s oozing over the edges of an ill-fitting armchair for months! Rick Telander’s weird hairline on a panel discussion show twice a week? How can I miss this? I don’t even want to get into the symptoms I’ve exhibited of my Gail Fisher withdrawal.
Remember when this site used to be the home of a weekly, creepily in-depth Notre Dame Replay after each game? Yeah, that will never happen again. I can’t even explain why. But I have about the same ambition to break down a Notre Dame game as I do to go see the Queen Latifah-Jimmy Fallon tome “Taxi.” Not much.
By the way, whoever greenlit a movie that combined the “talents” (wow, that word’s used loosely) of the Queen and Jimmy, is apparently the same guy who thought Brooke Burns needed a Hawaiian beach drama to star in, and one in which she has to act and hardly ever wears a bikini. As the Guinness guys would say, “Brilliant!”
True story. The trailer for “Taxi” (it actually makes me miss Tony Danza and Judd Hirsch) ran before “Anchorman” a few months ago, and I’m happy to report that I was not alone in booing it. Try that sometime. When you see a trailer for a complete groaner of a movie, just start booing. You’re not alone. The first time I ever did that was for the Kevin Costner movie about the butterfly and his dead wife, or whatever it was.
Last night in the Yankees-Twins game, Joe Morgan called Jon Lieber “Joe Leiberman” and FOUR times he referred to Yankees’ pitching coach Mel Stottlemyre as Todd, his son. Glad to see you’ve still got a prime network analyst gig, there, Anti Christ.
Honestly, it’s hard to miss Chip Caray because it’s like he won’t go away. Chris Berman is a fatter, balder, louder version. He has almost exactly the same grating qualities as Chip. He talks way too much. He can’t judge a batted ball, and he explains all of his jokes. Plus, he’s in a booth with the Muppet voiced Tony Gwynn and one of the dumbest humans on the planet, Rick Sutcliffe. So what am I loathe to admit? I sat through it.
My favorite new show is “Lost” on ABC. Here’s what bothers me, though. There’s a character on the show named Charlie and the guy who plays Jack was Charlie on “Party of Five.” I’m a college graduate with two degrees. I can’t keep straight who they’re talking about when they talk about Charlie.
I don’t even want to get into why there’s a polar bear on a tropical island. I’m just letting that go.
I sat through almost an entire CSI: NY and if I’m Bill Petersen I’m suing Gary Sinise. They’re playing the same, sociophobe. Look, I’m sure that the real-life, dull as dishwater, Dungeon and Dragon alumns who go into forensic science are about as outgoing as Amy Carter, but maybe that’s just proof we don’t need three prime-time network TV shows about the same thing.
Speaking of that, Dennis Farina got a perm, didn’t he?
I have a legitimate question for the “undecided” voters out there. What the f@#$ are you waiting for? Look, if you haven’t made up your mind yet it’s for one of two reasons: One) you are too dumb to be entrusted with the responsibility of casting a vote in an election. Please stay home on election day. Just turn the propane heater up in your house-on-wheels (or cinder blocks), watch some Andy Griffith re-runs and see if you can scrape together enough rocks to get high. Two) you really have made up your mind but you want to hang out with MSNBC pollster and owner of the most impossible election coverage hairdo, Frank Luntz. And yes, you should be ashamed.
I can’t remember the last time I went to a fast food restaurant and didn’t order exclusively off their value menu. I haven’t spent more than four dollars on lunch in six months.
If I’m the kid who is being paid to make out with Kelly Osbourne on the insipid new ABC drama where they won’t capitalize any of the letters in the insipid name of the show, I’m not being paid enough. Honestly, if, at gunpoint I was ordered to tongue kiss Kelly Osborne or to tongue kiss a ceiling fan set on high, I’m risking it with the fan.
Shouldn’t San Diego have ended the Real World franchise for good? They literally had more arrests than attractive people on that season. This year with the young Philadelphians the whole show is duller than a butter knife. MTV’s got to learn when to cut the cord. Let it go. It’s over. And don’t even get me started on the future of the Joe Simpson progeny.
Honestly, do you know anybody who has seen a Jimmy Kimmel Live in the past eight months? Anybody? If anybody’s watching it, they are the same dumbasses who watch John McEnroe’s show.
I have to admit, I tend to miss WB shows because it’s not in line on my cable system with the other networks. The only reason to venture down beyond the 30’s is for a cheesy ’80s movie, to see some boobs on FX or to buy the thing that stitches rhinestones to your clothes.
I saw Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow and really liked it. I’m not sure how I feel about that.
The best thing about Rob Neyer being on the “pay” side of ESPN.com is that you can’t send me links to his articles anymore and I can’t get pissed off reading them.
When ESPN showed the interview of Roger Clettitte yesterday where he was wearing the brown suit with a tie and a red adidas baseball cap, I wanted to lunge through the TV and strangle his fat ass to death.
I started referring to Roger’s bout with diarrhea yesterday as his “battle with Mylanta” instead of Atlanta and I cracked myself up. I’m sorry, that’s just such a Kaseberg thing of me to do.
Everytime I think about Pete McEntegart getting paid to write the most boring and insipid column on Spanish-yes.com, I have to fight the urge to flog myself.
And finally, if you made it all the way through this piece of crap, you deserve to know this. Desipio very nearly wasn’t here anymore. I got so fed up with the constant pissing and moaning and self-flagellating going on, on this site during the last few weeks of the Cubs’ season that I was going to s@#$can the site. I’m not saying I was thinking about doing it. I had decided to do it. This baby was going the way of the dodo on Monday. But I got talked out of it, by a couple of people, both of whom know who they are. Anyway, let’s just enjoy it while it lasts, because it was the first time I actually faced that fact that should have been evident. It’s not going to last forever.
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Hey Andy, how about some love for winning Yahoo Fantasy Baseball this season?
Good call on the ABC show "Lost". My only complaint is that there are commercials every 7-8 minutes, even more frequent than the normal prime-time interruptions.
If you have watched the show, go to the ABC website, then click on the section about the program. It has a message board that discusses the plot and the direction the show is heading. It’s scary how much thought, insight, and predictions some people put into these things. For Chrissakes, just sit back and enjoy the show.
Was there any revelations as to what giant monstrosity I have running around the island, eating pilots and knocking down trees?
Yes, congratulations to the BALCO All-Stars who edged Pure Vanilla by one point to win the MLB league (I finished a miserable 13 out of 20) and to the Dimwitts who handily won the NL Only league by 5.5 over the Killer Pimps (I finished fifth of 12 in that league). Apparently, I’m the Buck Showalter of our leagues.
And, Television Without Pity has good messageboards for Lost, including one where they nitpick all of the things that aren’t happening (like the bodies stinking or exploding in the heat).
http://tinyurl.com/6paqp
The only good thing about Ed being cancelled is that it would have been on against Lost. No, instead we get "Hawaii". I hope NBC enjoys fourth place.
Scruffy guy shot me. But Charlie the Hobbitt said that whatever it was that killed the pilot was a much larger version of me. So we still don’t know what the monster is.
hey Andy I love your site…Keep it coming. Just so you know when I did the 7th inning stretch this season, for a joke I swabbed Chip for DNA. Needless to say his DNA wasn’t human.
Man, why did the Twins have to blow it last night? Miller & Morgan spent the entire 9th inning coming up with excuses for why Mariano Rivera gave up the lead in the 8th (not enough warm up time, inherited runners). Then this morning on Mike & Mike they are talking about what a great post season player Derek Jeter is because he tagged up and scored the winning run on a sacrafice fly! That’s giving the guy a little too much credit. Especially since Jaque Jones probably would have thrown him out had he, you know, thrown the ball home.
I’m just worried that all of the hand-wringing is going to resurface on this site during the course of yet another exciting Chicago Bulls season.
Andy, you were ready to give up after all the hand-wringing?
How do you think I felt?
I’m sorry Andy, did you just say that this can’t go on forever? Why not just drop kick us in the balls while you’re at it. We won’t let you break up with us. If we can’t have you nobody will. Do you hear us? We were meant to be together forever. Wait…we’ll change. We swear.
I agree with #10.
Andy, it’s like launching missles from a submarine. Both of us need to turn our keys.
Guys, maybe all you need is to send him a pizza.
Mmm, that was sure good, Andy.
Andy, I know how you feel. With reading and posting on other sites, I see good people and good ideas get worn out from criticisms from a select few. And who are those people to criticize? They’re probably waiting for their next issue of "Hunter and Fisher’s Monthly" to get to their cave down in the Hoosier National Forest or something. OK, I guess I digressed, but I did get my weekly dig at Southern Indiana in there.
So, if some of my criticisms of the Cubs were part of what was wearing on you, I am sorry.
I really enjoy reading this site Andy. There would be many people that would be really sad and disappointed if you decided to let Desipio go. And I would be one of them.
For you "Lost" fans, here you go:
http://abc.go.com/primetime/lost/community.html
Want to reward Andy?
Use me! I’m easier than Paris Hilton, and unlike Paris Hilton, Andy is far more likely to cash in with me.
BC, how could you possibly think that you have an ability to wear on anyone?
You’re such a kidder!
Andy,
Queenie and I are appearing in a large, weighty book?
If that’s what it takes to get rid of BC, I’m turning out the lights.
I knew I’d close down this den of inequity some day.
The gladiator is filing a greivance. What a surprise.
But Andy…I thought you loved me!
LOVED ME!!!!!!!
All you had to do is say the word Andy I could have taken care of the server either by sitting on it or eating it.
I do love you Gabor, in a oh-how-I-wish-you’d-sign-with-St. Louis sort of way.
Yes, I misused the word tome. Hey, I was on a roll…
And don’t worry, the decision has been made to keep Desipio going. I probably should have just kept my big yapper shut.
#8, I don’t think anybody is going to be wringing their hands over the Bulls. We’re pretty much all resigned to another season of craptacular badness. Anything better than 30 wins and we can throw those guys a parade.
If only people would wring their hands over us… Ah, screw it, we don’t even care anymore.
Who will win more games, the Bulls or Playboy’s preseason number one, Bruce Weber’s Illini!?
Discuss!
I’ll be over here licking John McDonough’s sac.
Yeah, but somehow I knew what you were thinking, and NO, I am NOT one of the parties that was credited for saving Desipio. I’m not really sure why we were all sniping at one another.
I mean, I was as full of anger and hatred as the rest of you, but I don’t think it’s really THAT complicated to figure out which way to point your finger.
Hate tha Game, Hate tha Playa, but don’t Hate on the Intrepids.
Peace. I’m out like Piazza.
Bulls – 42 up, 40 down. You heard it here, first.
Not, that I actually care.
Hello again everybody,
Your old friend Karry Ling here. I don’t want you to worry about what would have happened had Andy punked out and quit doing Desipio, because you’d still have me!
Pepe and I know the passwords for the server and we know that the site’s paid up until next August, so I would have just upped my workload from non-existent to existent.
Come to think of it, maybe I should encourage Andy to quit.
Houston versus the Braves. There is a tough one. Do you root for Cletite, Oswalt and company or the Tomahawk Choppers? Because of their dumping on the Cubs I am inclined to want to see Houston eliminated. But that would mean having to see/hear that damn Tomahawk moan for at least another playoff series.
cubbiebluestew…
I hate the Braves a lot, but having a Cardinals/Astros NLCS (Which the first part of is looking pretty likely after the Weaver meltdown tonight) would be baseball Hell for me.
I hate rooting for the Braves, but it looks like I at least am going to have to for a while.
That being said, I’m rooting for the Red Sox. There really isn’t another team that is likeable (In my mind anyway) in this postseason except the Sox. Granted, they do have the required media grabber (Schilling), the aloof outfielder (Ramirez), and the awesome season-changing (Trying not to laugh hysterically as I type this) shortstop that is Orlando Cabrera. But, still, I think Boston deserves it. Yeah, they’re a little too self-absorbed in it, but they’ve been burnt SO many times there is good reason.
Don’t we have enought bad-mouthing jerks who think they’re funny? Quit, Andy, it would improve the world’s khamra.
As someone said a few weeks ago, 98% of the readers come here to read Andy. I’d be very disappointed if Desipio went the way of the Carter Adminsitration. It is often the funniest writing I see (the piece on the ESPN Dream Job, with Jim Nabors and Negro Spirituals, was the funniest thing I ever read in my life — literally). This site is the only reason I, whose family lived on the South Side, pull for the Cubs. It’s also a good source of information: for instance, thanks to a Desipio link, I knew why that Virginia Congressman was bailing out (he was in the closet) when no Washington newspaper would report that fact.
If sniping among other contributors bothers you, Andy, kick ’em off. The cure is always to solve the problem, not destroy the entire environment.
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