This may come as a surprise, but I’ve been called much worse in my 31 years than a “four-week old pre-adolescent.” Equally surprising is that previous, and more creative/effective, name-calling efforts (example: 3 MU Alpha Chi Omegas simultaneously, and let’s be honest — quite unfairly on this particular occasion of my sophomore year, directing an “A-hole!” in my vicinity) haven’t always been as redundant, or poorly punctuated. Nonetheless, I understand that many/some/one of you defines Desipio strictly as a baseball site. More specifically a Cubs’ site. Fortunately, I think most of us are, or at least strive to be, a bit more well-rounded… Even my favorite target audience —- the pre-adolescents. By the way, you know who didn’t used to be well-rounded, then was for awhile, and now is not once again?
Who’s managing the careers of these mis-guided youth, anyway? Leak a scandalous, and well-lit, tape to the media already. That goes for you too, Mrs. Federline. But at least put on some makeup first and knock out a couple of crunches for Chrissakes, you’re scaring your stepdaughter.
Moving on…Tenacious D has described ‘the road’ as f-ing hard, f-ing tough, and a be-a-itch. Not that North Carolina would know anything about it. Of course, I’m talking about the road. Last time I checked, this year’s Final Four will be held in St. Louis — not Chapel Hill. And although the Tar Heels have won 14 straight after their season-opening mulligan (see: Santa Clara), without the services of point guard Raymond Felton, each of their three victories over ranked teams have come at the Dean Dome (Kentucky, Maryland and Georgia Tech). Even worse, the new 11-team ACC schedule only has them facing Georgia Tech once (check), and Wake Forest on the road this Saturday.
So maybe it’s no surprise that so many are ready in mid-January to hand Roy Williams the scissors to start cutting down nets. However, there’s still a certain team, from a certain school, with a certain Hall of Fame coach, that North Carolina will have to play twice before this season is in the books. And that team, from that school, with that coach, knows even more about net-cutting than they do the luxury of playing the role of underdog. Not to mention, that team, from that school, with that coach hasn’t had to use their mulligan yet.
Not unlike Kansas and Illinois — the only two teams in my opinion who are slam dunk #1 seeds, as if those types of things were determined in mid-January. Of those two, Kansas could be the most dangerous come March. The yearly Wayne Simien injury, forced Bill Self to rely on his freshmen sooner than anticipated to win some tight games, and in the process deepened his bench by at least two players (Alex Galindo, C.J. Giles). Fellow freshmen Russell Robinson and Sasha Kaun haven’t embarrassed themsleves either. Add those four plus four seniors with multiple Final Four experience, plus an over-achieving walk-on (Christian Moody), and the Jayhawks as much as it pains me to say it, just may be the team to beat. Kentucky may be overrated and young (not Patrick Sparks who’s gotta be at least 36), but winning in Lexington in front of Ashley Judd and without your All-American candidate deserves notice. As does winning at Iowa State without two of your starters (Keith Langford, Moody). There is no substitute for playing in, and winning, close games throughout the season. 9 point wins at Purdue don’t qualify.
Joining those four teams in my could-win-it-all category in order; Oklahoma State, Syracuse, Wake Forest, Gonzaga, Washington.
Noticeably absent from that list:
Georgia Tech – Softer than soft in the middle, even with a 7-foot redhead (see: stiff)
UConn – No point guard, no chance
Boston College – We all know B.C. couldn’t score when it counted if you taped a Benji to his/their head
Kentucky – Too many teams that can shut down their engine (Sparks), no leadership elsewhere —- not even Chuck Hayes
Thank goodness for the college hoops season, as we’re currently in a bit of a reality lull. The 10th season of Survivor doesn’t debut for another month, I’ll go with top row – second from the right (Janu?), middle row – middle blue (Kimberly?), and bottom row – far right (Jennifer?). Best looking female cast, ever?
Then again if you enjoy midgets and train-wrecks (and who doesn’t?), you’re already all too aware of the comedy goldmine VH-1 airs every Sunday night in the form of the third season of the Surreal Life. Don’t worry you’ll hear (and see) much more of Adrianne (America’s Top Model/exhibitionist) Curry and Jane (well-preserved, kinky Go-Go) Wiedlin here as the season progresses. But in the event you soured on the franchise thanks to Brigitte Nielsen and Flava Flav’s stomach-turning PDA’s, or Jordan Knight and Ryan Starr’s wet blanket personalitites — trust me, Mini-Me alone is worth 30 minutes of your week. In the one-hour premiere he managed to fondle his hottest roommate, get drunk and half-heartedly pick a fight with Peter Brady (who is surprisingly buff… Peter, not Verne…), pass out, wake up and cruise around the house butt-naked looking for a corner to pee in. It’s not all fun and games as Da Brat thinks she’s a bigger deal than Ron Burgundy, and I’ve had to add Chyna’s grotesquely inflated lips to my list of fears which also include snakes, Keyzer Soze, red-headed mimes with visible warts, and female Carlos Zambrano fans. Other than that though…
You know what TV is really missing right now? A well-written, original dramatic series about professional poker. I’m not sure what channel something like that could be pulled off on — any of them with a handful of well-placed advertisements and promos, I guess. But if any of you hear about something like that in development, please let me know. I’d really, really hate to miss it.
I did not miss that Eric Barton was fined $7,500 for nearly decapitating Drew Brees last weekend, while Randy Moss was fined $10,000 for pretending to moon an endzone of Packer fans. Next time Moss should really upset the crowd by kicking Favre in the jimmy, and enjoy the $2,500 savings.
Oops, almost forgot — one more for the pre-adolescents…. Jessica Simpson as Daisy Duke. Smart, humble, and not annoying? No. Well-rounded? Abso-f-ing-lutely! I have been unable to confirm nor deny that the lack of Karry Ling updates may be as a direct result of his move to Hazzard County. He said something about selling all of his suspenders because his pants could just stay around his ankles, but as usual, I didn’t really know what to make of that. If you see him though, tell him to send a bottle of Uncle Jesse’s moonshine back to Desipio World Headquarters.
Hey, did you see who’s playing me in the Dukes of Hazzard movie?
The guy who played Champ Kind in Anchorman.
Whammmmmmmy!
Intrepid reader# 1: stech
Langford played against ISU. He led KU with 18 points. Still a nice win, though.
Everyone knows that Illinois is going to lose in Evanston this weekend, anyway.
I didn’t play in Ames. That must have been one helluva concussion.
Jake~
Don’t you know about TILT? You know, TILT?!?
http://espn-tilt.com/
It’s got Michael Madsen, Mr. Blonde! Who else can smoke cigarettes and swill brownish liquors like our man Mike?
Hey, this is swanky. I’ll bet it’s so nice here now that even Chuck won’t berate me!
What do you mean I used to be flat?
New HTML and RSS feeds for Desipio don’t equal a name change away for Korey.
Under 150 strikeouts will do that.
Looking pretty sleek, guys. ‘Cept the ads under the “LOGIN” link (when do I get my access?) seems to be spilling into the margin on this IE 6.0 and the pics next to the text seem to need a larger buffer between the two.
Not that I’m critiquing the site or anything….
Oh, and, for whatever reason, Yahoo isn’t recognizing the RSS feeds.
The redesign didn’t work. The overstock of Chuck’s windbagging is still leaking onto Desipio.
Puke.
Uh, it’s like goin’ to one o’ them swanky ho-tels with the chandeeleers and the purty girls with them short skits on behind the counter. I wonder what the one eatin’ that chewy candy gots on under them short shorts. I’m guessin’, not a gol’darn thang.
Git-R-Done!
I had to enter the RSS address twice to get Yahoo to recognize it. But it did.
My only fear is that their newfound national exposure will lead BC and Jake to spots on Around the Horn in between Mariotti and Paige.
Yikes.
What the hell is my wife doing on Around the Horn?
Must be one other mistake. My screen says, “Welcome back Chuck.”
There’s no way I’m welcome here.
Ahh, but that doesn’t stop you, does it?
‘The redesign didn’t work. The overstock of Chuck’s windbagging is still leaking onto Desipio. ”
Hey no need for anger at Chuck. Plus, he’s more into teabagging now.
Well we’re movin on up,
To the east side.
To a deluxe apartment in the sky.
Movin on up,
To the east side.
We finally got a piece of the pie.
Fish don’t fry in the kitchen;
Beans don’t burn on the grill.
Took a whole lotta tryin’,
Just to get up that hill.
Now we’re up in the big leagues,
Gettin’ our turn at bat.
As long as we live, it’s you and me baby,
There ain’t nothin wrong with that.
Well we’re movin on up,
To the east side.
To a deluxe apartment in the sky.
Movin on up,
To the east side.
We finally got a piece of the pie.
—Nice digs, Andy. Me likey.—
I actually miss the numbers next to the comments. I never thought I would. They were actually handy.
test
so who has illini beaten on the road?
Georgetown, Purdue, Missouri, and Cincinnati (on a neutral high school court in Vegas). Not bad, not bad at all.
“Who else can smoke cigarettes and swill brownish liquors like our man Mike?”
Nobody loved the sweet brown liquor more than Lionel Hutz.
This judge has had it in for me ever since I accidentally ran over his dog.
Actually replace “dog” with son, and “accidentally” with on purpose.
At least when I do stupid things this year, the alternating shades of comments will make your pathos that much easier to read!
Who have we beaten on the road? We’re going to beat you on the road when we find you!
Lionel, I think you meant to replace “accidentally” with “repeatedly”.
Allegedly, I may have said repeatedly.
double-post test
“Sorry, you can only post a new comment once every 10 seconds. Slow down cowboy.”
test
The one thing about the re-design is that I’m now obsolete.
Bring it on Webby. The best back court in the nation in Felton, and Rashad is waiting for you.
Oh, yeah?
It’s B-I-itch…BEEEYOTCH!
Oh yeah?
This new Desipio isn’t as great as the one in the past. It is more like a blog.
As a Northwestern Wildcat fan, I can safely say that the Illini players/coaches complaining in the Trib and Sun-Times today about the way we treated them are the whiniest bunch of losers in the history of the universe.
If they’re going to get that teary-eyed at a little taunting they should have just stayed in their hotel and watched “The Happy Little Elves”.
So, you’re the Northwestern basketball fan? Must be lonely.
Very much so. That’s the great thing about being a Northwestern fan, though – when I yelled at that guy “Smith” on the Illini for being ugly, he very obviously could hear me. Nothing satisfies like hurting people’s feelings unnecessarily.
Oh yeah.
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