To the few dozen “fans” who, according to the North Side Bulletin Board were chanting for the return of Sammy, have a few dozen more beers, won’t you? It’s true, Jeromy Burnitz had a rough day. He got up, he looked in the mirror, remembered how homely he is, went to work, dropped a flyball that let in the only run of the game and then whiffed in back-to-back chances to atone for his error. It happens. He probably got home, tried to kick the dog, missed and ended up face down in the cat box.
Or am I still the only one that’s ever happened to?
Here’s the thing Cubs fans. This isn’t unexpected, is it? He’s Jeromy Burnitz! This kind of stuff is going to happen. He’s still out hitting The Gladiator by a fair piece, and given some of Sammy’s early season hacks, it’s not going to be too tough for Jeromy to out produce him this season. There’s a chance that Clint Barmes might out produce Sammy.
At this rate, Clint Howard might outproduce Sammy.
But this isn’t our big Cubs related news of the day. No sir.
On a day dominated by a tightrope-walking-but-yet-effective start from Ryan Dumpster, the news is who didn’t play second base.
Because really, we never get tired of hearing players piss and moan.
No, it’s great. Really.
Don’t get me wrong, I want Jerry Hairston Part Two to be upset that he’s not in the starting lineup. I don’t want Dusty to use the date of birth line on the roster to determine who starts. But we don’t need Jerry whining about it to the writers.
Here’s how the scene would have played out had I been in Jerry Hairston’s shoes yesterday. (Not literally in his shoes, I mean, he probably wears like a nine and there’s no way I could squeeze into tho….oh, never mind).
I’d have strolled into the clubhouse. Stopped by the trainer’s room to find out how long Todd Walker was going to be out for (Cubs diagnosis 4-6 weeks, which when converted to reality is 4-6 months). Then headed to the middle of the clubhouse where they post the starting lineup.
I’d have seen 13 – Neifi Perez – 4, batting second and I’d have yelled “motherf@#$er!”
Oh, I’d have been mad. But that would have been it. I wouldn’t have stopped to have an audience with the most insipid group of beat writers this side of the Albany Patroons locker room. Give it a day, maybe three, then if you’re not playing start bitching. But after one day? Frankly, you’re just asking for it. You’re going to give Dusty an excuse to keep trotting the Neifi out every day because if he uses you it’ll make it look like he caved in. Nice job, little Jerry. Way to go. Moran.
As was noted by an intrepid reader during yesterday’s CubsLive! Neifi actually had decent career numbers against Padres’ starter Adam Eaton. Sure, those had to be Coors-fueled a little, but some of them probably came last year when Neifi was hitting…nothing…in San Francisco.
Besides, Nomar’s due to blow a tire any day now, opening a spot for Neifi to shift over and play short. And then…Dusty can play Jose Macias.
Oh, I’m getting nauseous.
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We have a Desipio programming note today. Because of the Cubs-Padres CubsLive! GameCast this afternoon, “The Front Office” will not appear today. It will run on Thursday. I know it’s usually a bad sign when the networks start pre-empting shows, but we like The Front Office. Even if you don’t. You’re stuck with it.
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Can’t we all agree that Pistons’ coach Larry Brown needs to be slapped silly? I think we can. Not only does he look like Mr. Roper, but every time he opens his yapper you just cringe. Also, every time the Pistons play the Bulls he gushes over Tyson Chandler. That was fine the first time. Great, actually. It was nice to see that other coaches appreciate Tyson. But now that Larry’s done it four times, it’s getting a little old. It’s called tampering, Larry. Tyson’s a free agent after the season ends, and neither I nor Larry understand where the Pistons are in relation to the salary cap, but who cares? Larry can stop it. It’s either blantant recruitment, or Larry’s a little gay for Tyson. Either one doesn’t play well in the NBA.
Secondly, he was going on and on last night about how Andres Nocioni blatantly elbowed Tayshaun Prince in the head. That would be fine, if it were true. The replays showed that Prince was holding Nocioni as Andres tried to come back towards the ball for an inbounds pass and Noce gave him a swim move that Reggie White would have been proud of. He just happened to clip skinny little Tayshaun in the head. Nocioni does enough Crazy Argentinian stuff, he doesn’t need to get blamed for his accidents, too.
Apparently all it takes is an interview on the radio where you do a complete 180 to get back into the lineup… After kissing Dusty’s ass on the Score this morning Jerry the lesser is now in the lineup and batting 1st… Neifi! is playing third…..
Hellllooooooo shutout! That is, if it’s not canceled due to rain…. Course then Chuck could be the wuss he is and renig on his bet with Al.. because admitting he was wrong is against his religon apparently…
Because really, the only way to make the lineup worse than having Neifi at second, would be to have Neifi at third.
It isn’t April 1st! Stop with the April Fools’ Jokes!!!!!
Dr. Dan Bernstein, just 24 hours removed from being embarrassed after claiming that Walker had a ruptured tendon or torn ACL and minutes later being told that it was not, is now stating that it is a “complete blatant lie” that the Cubs are claiming they are holding A-Ram out of today’s game because of wet/cool conditions instead of saying it’s a sore or pulled groin.
Never question Dan Berstein on anything. After all, he went to Duke, and now he’s got his own radio program, so he knows everything.
If you put yourself in Hairston’s shoes you’ll most likely end up with a broken foot
With tomorrow’s doubleheader, Dusty’s going to have all 3 Stoogies playing out there- Neifi(Moe), Macias(Curly), and Jerry(I mean Larry). That doesn’t play well with getting out the broomsticks and sweeping the doubleheader. But on a positive note, Dusty would most probably have to play Dubois at least one game, even though Dusty hates that. Finally, we will have our secret weapon of Hank White out there too. You can’t go wrong with that.
GO CUBS!
Baker Basher
Yahoo! Sports says that I was right:
3B Amaris Ramirez would have not started Tuesday’s game because of a recurring groin injury. Baker decided to start Neifi Perez at third because of the wet field and cold. “Hopefully, I’ll be all right for the game tomorrow,” Ramirez said. “It’s not like a soreness, it just wasn’t right. I think it’s because of the weather.”
Dude, if there’s a Yahoo sports article about it, complete with quote from E-ram himself, how is that “lying”? Is it lying because I didn’t call Bernstein and inform him personally?
Remember when Boers and Bernstein thought I was somehow funny? Bernstein is a Duke grad, dinner at his house growing up was an experience none of us could understand. His sister is even smarter than he is, if you can believe that! He is so above my head it’s sick.
You guys are just jealous because I am as ugly on the outside as all of you are on the inside.
I wrote a piece for si where I use shitty, injured pitchers as examples to make the AL look better and tougher than the NL. I don’t back it up with individual numbers though. I am just another pathetic, know nothing loser of a writer, in the same tradition as Phil Rogers, who has no business being a professional. The NL is for losers, baseball should be all about offense, errors,and lack of strategy. If you disagree with me, you are disagreeing with Harold Reynolds and the great Phil Rogers. The only reason Beckett. Burnett, Oswalt, Peavy, Prior, Zambrano, Smoltz, Schmidt, Sheets, Clemens, and many others are any good is because they pitch in the NL. I mean, Schilling did so much worse in the Al. Just like most writers, I like to beat a dead horse over and over.
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