Do you hear that? Listen.
If you concentrate you’ll recognize the sound.
Yup, it’s the Cubs scraping the bottom of the barrell. With every botched flyball, temper tantrum and wasted Hank White homer, the Cubs are inching their way into the abyss. Hey, it’s been a fun season so far, and it’s only May 4! Whoo hoo! I really can’t wait for four more months of this. Because when it’s this fun, you just don’t want it to stop.
What was the best part of last night’s game? We have so many choices.
Was it Jerry Hairston setting the tone by trying to steal third base with one out for no apparent reason? That was pretty great.
How about Corey Patterson actually hustling on a ground ball and then throwing his helmet at the umpire? Good times, there.
Ooh, could it have been Jason Dubois playing a routine line drive into a triple, and jogging after the ball as it rolled past him?
Or was it Dubois almost falling on his ass in the left field corner allowing a runner to tag from second to third?
Maybe there’s a reason he’s being used mainly as a pinch hitter. He’s like the National League version of the DH.
Maybe the best part was watching E-ramis Ramirez completely botch a one out chopper to him with a runner on third base? First he didn’t charge the ball to get the good hop, then he refused to get in front of the ball to knock it down. It was the kind of play that caused Jake Taylor to pay Roger Dorn a little in home visit a few years back.
And the worst part of all this was that the game started with such promise.
Jose Macias is sick and couldn’t even make the trip to Milwaukee. Perfect!
Hank White hit a homer in the second inning. It’s like a sign from God that good things are going to start happening.
Carlos Zambrano struck out five guys in a row.
The Cubs nailed Bill Hall at the plate to preserve a 1-0 lead on a perfect relay from Jeromy Burnitz to Neifi to Hank. The way Neifi took the relay and not only got the throw off in the blink of an eye, but also made a very strong through was beyond impressive.
What would that play have looked like last year going from Sammy to Gonzalez to Bako? Sammy’s throw would have gone over Alex’s head by about 60 feet, but would have barely made it to the infield, and it wouldn’t have mattered because Bako would have come out in front of the dirt around home plate to avoid any stray chance of a collision.
And still, the Cubs lost.
Guh.
I’m not sure what to think about Corey’s outburst. First he was pretty clearly safe, so you can understand him being mad. But the way he had ended the argument and was walking off the field before he turned around and threw his helmet at the umpire just seemed phony. Selfish, and phony. It had a very “see, now I’ll look like I really care” look to it. He knew he’d get tossed and he knew that the Cubs don’t have a real backup for him.
So I was interested to see who the Cubs would use in center. If it were me, I would have replaced Corey in the lineup (remember, he was batting second last night) with Todd Hollandsworth and just stuck him in center.
But that wasn’t complicated enough for Dusty. He had to move three guys around. Who says he doesn’t have a little Tony LaRussa “look at me” in him? He moved Hairston from second to center, Neifi from short to second and brough in Ronny Cedeno.
Don’t get me wrong, I have plenty of confidence in Ronny’s ability to play shortstop, and in fact he started a pretty nice double play in the seventh. But I have no confidence in Hairston’s ability to play any place but second. He plays center like he needs a map and a flashlight. Plus, you knew that by the time Corey’s spot came back around that Chris Capuano wasn’t going to still be in the game and the Brewers bullpen is predominantly right handed, specifically their closer, the ugliest man in baseball Chris Turnbow.
Let’s just say even at the major league miminum with a mug like that, Chris is going to have a hard time finding a lady friend that he doesn’t have to tip.
But the point is that when you factor in that Hairston’s speed is completely useless in center because he has no actual aptitude for the position, you might as well just use Hollandsworth.
Dude.
Predictibly, Jay Mariotti put down the doughnut today to write a completely unnecessary and pointless column about how Tom House’s admission that he used steroids 30 years ago doesn’t mean that Mark Prior, who learned his craft from House, did it too. Gee, really?
But the only interesting part of Mariotti’s column is a rant he goes on against Kerry Wood.
The Cubs say he won’t throw for three weeks, which must mean he’s out for the season. They should have traded him for Alfonso Soriano when I said so last month, but Jim Hendry always knows better than the rest of us.
There is just so much wrong with this, where do I even start?
First of all, a month ago Kerry Wood was just as big of an injury question as he is today, so his trade value was zilch.
Secondly, Alfonso Soriano? What, we need a second Corey Patterson? In fact, Patterson’s a better player than Soriano because at least he has a defensive position and doesn’t make SEVEN POINT FIVE MILLION DOLLARS. If you can find a taker for Kerry, God bless you, but don’t bring in a guy with a .276 on base average and a 7.5 million price tag to play…where? In the outfield he makes Jerry Hairston look like Willie Mays. At second base he makes Todd Walker look like Ryne Sandberg.
At the plate he oozes potential. But he’s a Patterson clone, only right handed. He can’t draw a walk. He can’t resist swinging at pitches over his head.
If you think one Corey Patterson is killing the offense, why not double it? Seems like a grand plan to me.
“But Jim Hendry always knows better than the rest of us.”
He certainly knows a lot more than you do, Jay.
I’m surprised that Jay had the time to write a column today though. I thought he was still doing interviews about his autobiographical performance as a developmentally challenged pants-pooping manchild in…
He is an inspiration after all.
“They should have traded him for Alfonso Soriano when I said so last month”
Because, you know, major league baseball teams should do exactly what I say when I say it because I’m such an expert and all.
Andy you ass … It’s Derrick … DERRICK … kind of like that hot hitter on your team. You can laugh at my looks all you want, but I’m preparing for a life after baseball. That life is throwback porn. I’m going to remake some of the greatest porn films of the 60’s and 70’s with myself as the star. Ray King will play the role of Ron Jeremy.
Chris Turnbow, Derrick, whatever. You look like your face is on inside out.
you’re cast as the “elephant man”, Turnbow.
man, i guess dusty was right about me.
WE ARE TERRIBLE, HIDEOUS.
Why can’t we go back permanently to the grey ones with “CHICAGO” in blue letters?
Andy, you can only assume that soriano “makes Jerry Hairston look like Willie Mays” because his skinny, uncooperative ass won’t even take a few flyballs when Buck asks him to. He whips me beyond belief watching him botch at least one routine ground ball every night. If it’s not that, it’s fumbling the transfer from his glove to his hand on a double play in the eighth inning of a one run game or waving at a curveball a foot off the plate and stranding yet another baserunner. he was bitching in the paper down here about moving down in the order “i don’t want to hit 5th, i want to leadoff”. he’s the only selfish guy on a completely selfless team. the 30 HRs are neat but not with they come a $7.5M price tag and TWENTY-SEVEN more errors than the 2nd most error-prone 2B last year. he’s a butcher and when we get Young to Kinsler to Tex going next year, everyone will forget about the Fonz. It would be nice if you guys could make that happen sooner than later but he clearly doesn’t carry much trade value or he wouldn’t still be here
Tex, do we have enough room for Woody?
Dude, Dubois doesn’t defend any worse than “go ahead, take second – it’s on me!” Holly.
I was listening to Colin Cowhurt on ESPN Radio today just bashing the hell out of the Yankees. He was saying how bad this Yankees pitching staff was and they are using duct tape, chicken wire, and whatever to keep the fender on this gased guzzler of a pitching staff. He said they are old and inconsistent with a mediocre middle relief staff too. He kept on saying they can’t win 3 games in a row, then it increased to 6, then finally to 9. Basically, this team is in trouble unless the other teams in front of them struggle.
Was he simply talking about the Cubs or what? I’m not sure who would win currently if the Yankees played the Cubs? This Cubs team is terrible. That’s about all you can say.
Dusty Baker can go catch some fish and fry it up and build whatever team chemistry he wants, but the bottom line is that this team has no desire or baseball IQ to put together a consistent winning baseball team. They’re great friends and get along and all, but they simply don’t care about and nor have the ability to do the little things to be that great team.
It’s in black and white, it’s plain and simple, and it’s clear as day. This team just doesn’t get it.
Baker Basher
we should all be wearing the ones that say “Iowa”
Dudes, you need me now, I’m ready to help out and right this ship. Where do I sign?
Had he been talking about the Cubs, it would have been 3 in a row, then 2 in a row, then 1 in a row.
New depths of ennui and apathy about the Chicago Cubs. Bring on 2006. With my chosen NASCAR guy sucking eggs, and the Bears picking the wrong guy, HS Football looks like the next best bet. The Vegas line on the Mendota Trojans is 3.5 wins. I’m taking the over. My kid started his first cycle last week, and his bench is up 45 pounds already.
“It’s in black and white, it’s plain and simple, and it’s clear as day.”
Baker Basher:
Please stop in customer service and pay your balance due.
Thank you.
I gotta agree with Bker Bsher. This team is not even close to being fun to watch. They still just stand around and wait for home runs. They still have no clue at the plate. The injury thing is no longer a coincidence. I really don’t know what to expect out of them.
Hey gang, it could be worse, you could be watching us.
Is this another 02′ type year for me? I look terrible both in the field, and at the plate. I don’t even look like I care.
“That had altitude and” long- a- tude” Is Chip rubbing off on me?
I hope not, E-ramis.
No, Don, you misunderstood. I’m rubbing ONE off on you.
So that’s what I’m sitting in.
Why does Baker Basher sign his posts at the end? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller?
We aren’t really bad, as much as dis-interested. There’s something missing that’s keeping us from playing with enthusiasm and just generally giving a crap. We don’t know what it is, but hopefully someone will figure it out.
MikeC, I’ve been wondering about that for weeks. I’ve come to the conclusion that he’s an idiot.
Don’t lump Baker Basher in with us.
I have a blog of my own! Wow! Come visit me, one and all!
I’m only speaking the truth. Does that hurt some of you that bad? If it does, maybe you can hang out with Kerry Wood and discuss your cunt pains with each other!
Baker Basher
P.S. I sign my name at the end just to piss you off. It seems like it’s working!
a complete waste of bandwidth.
So what would my blog be considered then?
I was thinking he signed the end of his posts because people tend to fall asleep in the middle of them and forget who they hell they are reading when they wake up.
am at a loss for words on that one, it has gotta be a joke.
hey gang, how’s the visibility?
howdy partner! honesty compels me to say that the visibility here in hotlanta
is unbelievable!…what do you think about the beege and Albert Pujols? I
mean, we’re talking 2 of the best ball players in the universe, folks.
Hey Steve, thanks for asking buddy, I’m a ok.
hey buddies, I just hit a 2 run double in the 8th to give the Orioles the lead…
MISS ME YET, BUDDIES?
I’m ready to go out there tonight for the cubs 14th loss of the season
game tonight was great, dumpster pitched like shit, cubs lost again
Dusty looked confused.
gotta go write my nba finals game 7 column, miami beat the spurs, wuhoooooo!
I love Dusty Baker
Ignore that shit about Thome. The Cubs still should have signed him.
The guy who posted as Mitch Albom just made my day.
What a complete Napoleonic douchebag Mitch is.
I resent that comment, Andy.
Wow, when will Dusty learn?
I suck.
Not as badly as I do.
I guess I don’t suck that much.
No, I still do.
Dusty viciously slammed me on the dugout floor tonight after his load-the-bases strategy didn’t work out. His breath stinks.
I gotta call Mitch Kupchek out in LA…we execs need to
stick together.
Let’s see, I told Dusty,” if we can just hang tough, say no more
than 10 games below 500 til July, I can pick us up a couple of
journeyman ball players” Hey Mitch, is that you? How’s Doc Buss
holding up?
Your team sucks donkey dickc
Has anybody checked to see if I’m really dead?
Put a fork in us. We’re done.
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