It was just another weekend for the Cubs. They couldn’t hit. They blew another eighth inning lead. We found out that not only does Carlos Zambrano love the Internet, but he has a “couple dozen” computers in a room in his home in Venezuela, and we found out that Mark Prior and Brandon McCarthy are pen pals. Dusty’s letting his pitchers decide if they stay in or not, Derrek Lee misses Moises Alou so much he’s channeling him on the basepaths and Michael Wuertz and Will Ohman are living proof of the folly of trying to figure out which of the Cubs’ bullpen guys can be trusted not to throw gasoline on the fire.
The Cubs tried to make Jermaine Dye look like Bobby Abreu, and Sox manager Ozzie Guillen completely lost his mind on Sunday…twice. One by bringing in the human torch, Luis Vizcaino to blow the lead, then two, when he freaked out in the clubhouse after being asked why he brought Vizcaino in, in the first place. This is the kind of mature leadership that’s going to carry the Sox through the next 120 games. Sure. Whatever.
The Sox used highly touted rookie Brandon McCarthy yesterday in their attempt to sweep the Cubs in Wrigley. McCarthy was taking the place of El Duque, who is on the DL for “precautionary” reasons. Sure he is. It’s not like he has a history of arm problems or anything. It’s not like he missed the entire 2003 season and big hunks of 2002 and 2004 or anything? Nah.
McCarthy learned the one undeniable reality about big league baseball. You do not, under any circumstance throw a cookie at Henry Blanco.
He looks friendly, and well, sleepy, but he’s deadly.
One thing is completely clear now, after this weekend, and it has to do with our buddy, Hank. When he’s catching, Carlos Zambrano and Mark Prior are at their best. Oh, they have their moments with Michael Barrett, but both clearly like pitching to Whitey. Prior was so happy with the game Hank called yesterday that he practically carried Henry off the field.
Oh, wait. No, that was because Henry fell asleep over by the fungo circle.
And Blanco showed what an offensive force he can be. He sparked a Cubs’ rally on Saturday (and then killed one, too), and homered to open the scoring yesterday. See, he just needed a few at bats. Now he’s kicked it into high gear. I don’t think it’s too late for a write-in campaign to get Hank a much deserved start in the All-Star Game.
He’s got his batting average up over .150 now and his on base average is flirting with .200. Impressive, I know.
The Cubs played well enough to win two of the three games, which isn’t really saying much. I, like you, tried to fend off the boredom of listening to Jeff Torborg enthrall us with stories about how he knew Ozzie Guillen was going to be a great manager, and how he had Derrek Lee in Florida and told him he was looking forward to “taking you for granted.” Whatever that means.
It was that game, the Saturday one, that had the best moments.
Like Carlos getting warned by the home plate ump after he hit AJ Eyechart with a pitch. Only, there was one problem. He didn’t hit AJ. AJ acted all pissed off, but that thing didn’t hit him any more than Lance Berkman got hit last August. I was hoping we’d see Carlos tear off AJ’s elbow guard (with his arm in it) and beat him with it.
The Cubs lost because Mike Wuertz couldn’t finish off Paul Konerko in the eighth. With two on, Wuertz got ahead and watched Konerko foul off pitch, after pitch. When Konerko finally did hit one fair, it was a sinking liner that Corey Patterson ran down, dove at and had glance off his glove. If Corey catches it, the Cubs win (actually, Ryan Dempster probably blows it in the ninth), but he didn’t make the grab, two runs scored and then Will Ohman came in to finish the job by giving up two more runs.
If you want to complain about Corey’s offense, I’ll pull up a chair and we can piss and moan the hours away. But you can’t seriously be bent out of shape over him diving headlong for a ball and just missing it, can you? This wasn’t Craig Biggio running into the well in left last year and having it clank off his glove as he settled under it. This wasn’t Brant Brown in Milwaukee or Jason Dubois on just about anything. It was frustrating because he was thisclose to making a great play and shoving it right up the Sox hiney. But come on.
Speaking of Dubois. While every flyball is an adventure, is his defense any worse than his first base coach’s was back in his day? There was a reason that Gary Woods and his pornstache made an appearance in the eighth inning of every game that the Cubs were leading. It just makes me wonder if maybe Sarge shouldn’t avoid giving Jason “fielding tips.” You know stuff like, “What I always did was get right under the ball as it came down, and then locked my knees. That way if the wind took the ball one way or the other, I’d either fall down or lunge awkwardly at it. You’re getting it, kid. You’re a natural!”
Jason’s bat is much needed, as evidenced by him being the one Cubs righthanded hitter with enough brains yesterday to sit back on a pitch and hit it into the gale force wind blowing out to right field.
The Cubs now have seven games in a row, at home, against the Astros and Rockies, two teams who have combined to win FIVE road games in 41 attempts this year. The Astros just got prison raped in Arlington to the tune of 27-6 in three games against the Rangers. This is the Cubs season now. Seven games, seven days. You’d like to see them win all seven. A good team would probably win six. For the Cubs, anything worse than 5-2 is a death knell. Because after this “easy” week, the Cubs have three in LA, then four in San Diego, then they play Toronto, Boston, Florida, the Yankees, then four in Miller Park before they see the White Sox again.
Yikes. This could get ugly.
A couple of observations about this weekend’s series:
1) Uribe will get drilled in the ribs during one of the games in The Cell in June. Prior would’ve done it yesterday, but the way this umpiring crew overreacted to the HBPs the previous two days, he might have been ejected without warning. Faking that a ball is hit on the ground when it’s popped up is one thing, actually verbally communicating that a ball is foul and doing everything but tackling the guy is another. It was a bush play, but Lee was equally as dumb for falling for it.
2) For all the bitching Ozzie does about Wrigley Field, he sure spends a lot of time rubber-necking up in the stands during the game.
3) I’ve watched bits and pieces of White Sox games this season, but after watching all of the three games this weekend, it is official: A.J. Pierzynski is a dick. He just looks like a guy you’d like to pound in the face. I have to believe that all of the stories about him are pretty accurate, though the one about him punching his trainer in the nuts is the most bizarre.
4) All of a sudden Kenny Williams is a hard-ass know-it-all. It’s one thing to not let Vince Coleman to sit in the Cubs’ dugout, but to make a big deal about it the next day around the batting cage is ridiculous. Hell, he probably yelled at Vince to look out for a tarp. Vince should’ve reminded Kenny that he was late for his kids’ appointment with their probation officer.
Dave,
I’ve yelled at Vince Coleman to look out for the tarp. Of course, he responded by warning me to watch out for firecrackers. Next thing I knew, I lost my hearing in my left ear and three fingers.
I was praying that Pierzynski would charge the mound. Zambrano’s ejection and suspension would almost have been worth seeing him destroy that prick.
I am a well known talker and pussy, I ain’t charging no one. A funny aside, a couple years ago with the Twins, Rooney, Farmer, and Harrelson all day ,during the same game, ripped me for my demeanor and elbow pad. The radio boys were saying, “yeah, you are real tough with that elbow pad” etc..Now, just like Garland, the best fans in Chicago say they liked me all along.
Yes, this call is for Mr. Ken Williams. Mr. Williams, your ghetto ass kids have been arrested again. This time, they at least almost got the car started before the sheriff arrived. You say you traded for Todd Ritchie? No wonder your kids are so dumb.
First off, I had no idea that three of TJ’s fingers had hearing.
Secondly, I made Vince Coleman firecracker jokes all weekend, then do the Dose and forget to use any of them.
Woof.
I’m saturated. Hang me up now and there may be a dry spot in time for the June series.
I wouldn’t say I “dove headlong” for Konerko’s hit. More like I lunged for a ball that was still 3 ft off the ground. That is a play that I have to make.
Like i said in the postgame, I make that play 10 out of 10 times. Uh, sort of….
I thought Wuertz did a pretty good job on Saturday. 3 hits, two of which were infield hits (???) and the other was a soft, sinking line drive that Corey would have caught had he left his glove open long enough. That’s not exactly a Hawkins-type outing, is it? Yeah, it sucks that the Sox scored two runs off him (four including Ohman’s arson job), but you can’t point to anything Wuertz did that was particularly bad. Ohman, on the other hand, looked awful.
When will we learn we don’t have to throw a strike on an 0-2 count?
Even Hal McCoy can see that I’d be a great manager!
Get it, Hal’s legally blind! This is good stuff.
Andy, you ignorant slut.
First, you can get mad a Korey for booting the ball as the mistake he made was closing the glove before the ball got there.
But the REAL point is, if you are going to be a minus on offense, you need to make it up by being plus on defense. We love Hank White because he throws out baserunners like soiled diapers and he makes Z and Prior pitch like Juan Marichal and Jim Palmer. So what if he can’t hit. Look what else he does.
If Korey ain’t gonna hit, he better play center like Torii Hunter. If he only plays like Brady Clark, then he’s not worth starting.
Hey Mike Wuertz, I think what you had is the very definition of a LaTroy outing.
Good point, Cubs staff. You also might want to ask Larry Rothschild and Dusty Baker that one.
Not a LaTroy outing. There were no 0-2 meatballs hit onto Waveland. He didn’t hit any baserunners in the helmet.
Corey does play good defense. Hey, even Hank couldn’t catch the Ambiguously Gay Podsednidkddd on every attempt.
And before you rip Hank for not being able to hit, you need to remember he’s 2 for his last 6 now with a homer and a double. He’s red hot. Or something.
(Backs out of room quietly.)
Yes, between those two and former pitching coach/bench coach, Richard Pole, you’d think that maybe they’d get that point across
And I’m a Venezuelan rock star!
I am self-aware enough to admit, I’m a great athlete and a poor baseball player
Corey, time for a rally baby!
“Corey does play good defense.”
Not good enough to make up .297 OBP.
.297? That doesn’t even seem possible.
Mmmm, rally Fisch…….
I’m hoping to get Todd up to .200 before he leaves for Chicago!
I can take care of that Rally Fish smell….
If just shut up and read my quotes, you’d know no other outfielder would have even come close to getting a glove on that sinking liner. And I’d know, I’ve played with some of the greats when it comes to covering ground in the OF.
He’s clearly talking about me, buddy.
Other outfielders may have gotten the inside of their glove on it, I prefer the outside of my glove
MLB Extra Innings only gave us out-of-towners the option of Comcast on Sunday, and I think you all know what that means: DJ, Hawkeye and Moose Skowron (?!).
Webster’s Dictionary does not contain the word needed to convey the amount of displeasure I had listening to these three.
Whatever the complete and exact opposite of three wise men is, that’s what we had in the booth.
No, Hell will not contain the bleatings of Hawk, DJ and Moose.
I can’t stand them myself.
Dave B. I liked your inferences on this weekend’s series. They were quite amusing.
Props to Mark Prior to have the balls for going the whole way yesterday. That bullpen should be ashamed of themselves. That the starters have to pitch all nine innings just so they get a decision is really pathetic.
I’m surprised that the starters don’t go out on the town and get into a bar room brawl with these human wastes in the pen and beat the piss out of them. How worthless can you be?
But one positive note, I was glad to see Sweaty Joe throwing up darts and watching his neck snap back looking at the ball going to the warning track. He really throws the best warning track shot out of any reliever.
One guy I am sick to death of watching on this team is Korey Patterson. He is such an irritating little shit. He’s the saddest example of a touted hitter I’ve ever seen. Yes, he does make a nice catch every once in awhile, but he has a terrible baseball IQ. He has no idea how to run the bases if he gets on. He definitely has a notorious upper cut for a swing. This guy will never be good as a Cub. Management needs to bite the bullet on this kid. Please end our misery. CHUCK, GIVE ME AN AMEN TO THAT!
Baker Basher
umm, the astros are really, really bad. i’ll think they’ll be just what you guys need. something you guys should watch for….gold gloves for Teixeira and Hank. We all know they can rake, but the Rangers infield D is rock solid, except for that second base guy.
I did have a very LaTroy inning…how mant times has Hawkins given up a tying/winning run in the closer’s role on line drives that could’ve been caught? The throwing the ball away thing was the exception, not the rule.
No love for me in the Dose? I don’t think I directly cost the Cubs any games this weekend, isn’t that progress??
re: Colorado, Houston –
Don’t count yer wins b4 they’ve hatched. We’re not good enough to bank 6-7 wins against the Florida State League.
Andy, on your new banner, you have a picture of the Cubs (why Patterson? he’s a wanker), the Bulls, the Bears, the Moran Guy, and….the Bad News Bears? Huh?
The Hawks were once a proud franchise worthy of our respect and love. How about a picture of Stan the Man or Bobby, or even Roenick or Chelios as far as that goes.
I could ask for that big left-foot kicking German dude on the Sting in the 70s, but that would be mighty gay.
Good afternoon, folks!
Honesty compels me to say that boy oh boy, the Brav-o’s lost a heartbraker yesterday against the Bosox. this baseball season is getting interesting, folks.
Even if they were playing, there’s no current Hawk who can surpass Timmy Lupus.
Baker Basher,
The word is “Testicular Virility.”
Thank you for your support.
Regards,
Gov. Rod “Mell Basher” Blagojevich
OK, time for a rally tonight for Glendon!
Rally Carp time!
Oh, if you want to ride the bus in from Iowa and catch the Rockies with the Rally Carp Saturday, please e-mail me at jcarper@iowacubs.com
In the last 88 anos, solamente four Chicago teams ganaron campeonatos. Los Bulls, Los Hawks, Da Bears y su Chicago Sting.
We remember the day very well: October 3, 1984 when we beat el Toronto Blizzard. There may have been algo cosa happening that day in los deportes de Chicago, but damned if we can remember what it was.
Der Sting nicht sprechen Spanisch, aber wir sprecht Deutsch.
Or something.
I am what the Sting & the Blackhawks have in common
Derek Lee will be attending me all week long.
Who’s Derek Lee?
Big trade coming in the next few days! This isn’t like the time Dave Kaplan reported a trade after reading speculation on Desipio, either. I probably got MY scoop from somewhere entirely reliable…like the cubs.com message board, or something.
Seriously, guys, if you can’t beat me tonight, you may as well break up the band right now.
I mean, my name is Wandy.
It’s not Randy, it’s not Wendy, it’s Wandy.
Really.
Andy,
–Way too easy on Patterson. He blew the game. First of all, if he decided that risking embarassment was more important than looking cool (something he’s neevr quite learnred to do), he never would have THOUGHT of diving in the first place. Diving should be a natural reaction that occurs at the last possible moment.
Watch the replay. It was as if he started to dive, realized he didn’t need to be a hot dog and just run through the ball and either make a basket catch or a backhanded-at-his knees catch. Either way it would have been a helluva catch, especially under he circumstances. Instead, when he realized he could catch the ball on his own two friggin’ healthy feet, it was too late as his body was already falling forward. By then, he was going down as Fat Paul’s Texas Leaguer was coming right at his pea-brain-sized head. He put his glove up and did something that–outside of my 9-year old nephews’ little league team– I’ve never seen anybody else ever do besides Fred McGriff–and that is, try catching a baseball with a CLOSED GLOVE.
It is important to note that the ball didn’t merely “glance off his glove” like most reporters claim. It ricocheted–BECAUSE IT WAS CLOSED–for enough for the runner on first (who was off with the 3-2 pitch) to score.
And then his defiant defense afterwards just proved what a punkass no-taking-the-heat pussy he really is, as he had the nerve to claim that no other outfielder would have “busted his butt” to get to the ball. “They would have let it drop it in” , he said. CP, of course, not grasping the irony that letting it “drop in” would merely have tied the game; whereas, letting it bounce 30 feet off your CLOSED glove would result in your team actually LOSING THE GAME.
I expect Baker to come up with that type of defense–and justifiably so. But it is deplorable to see a ballplayer use that “well nobody ELSE would have caught it” defense in his OWN defense. With an attitude like that, don’t expect this numbnuts to get better anytime soon.
Fuck you, Chuck? No. Fuck you Korey.
It’s cool that Mike D can see directly into my psyche and know how I think I’m “too cool” to dive.
Corey,
It’s been as transparent as your mom’s nightgown since you came into the league, kid.
Rarely has anyone caught a flyball with me.
Try smoking me and catching a ball.
I think I am what Corey’s “too cool” to do, not diving.
Leave me and my nightgown alone, you brute.
I try to tell Corey not to leave his feet unless its necessary and to open his glove. Until he learns, I won’t leave my feet for him or open anything. And until he starts taking pitches, I won’t be taking….
I’m the newest Iowa Cubs intern you’re supposed to know. Boo. Hopefully they’ll go back to the almost underage chicks after this one.
Where are the nekkid pictures of the carp?
That one looks like a gasper.
That’s pronounced Wan-dee Rod-ree-gweez.
How’d you like me, Joe, Ryan and LaTroy all sitting in your bullpen?
I can be yours for the low, low, price of a class A prospect, or you can wait 10 days and get me for zilch.
http://cincinnati.reds.mlb.com/NASApp/mlb/news/press_releases/press_release.jsp?ymd=20050523&content_id=1059906&vkey=pr_cin&fext=.jsp&c_id=cin
Get you for zilch, value is zilch.
Seems fair.
Don’t get me mad, Chuck. I totally flipped off a guy who heckled me off yesterday! I’m a dangerous man.
I look like a serial killer.
See, what most of you forgot is that the Rally Carp has a slight deformity, that of the short leg.
I think the best thing would be to do my thang with the Rally Carp, then watch her wipe off, scoop up and limp away. Limping love partners are the BEST!
How many runs am I good for today?
Re: Sloth
“dog that barks doesn’t bite”
Hey Andy, when is the “Know Your Desipio Interns” starting?
Apparently, I’m the genius in the Iowa Cubs Stadium Operations Department that comes up with all the interns’ nicknames.
I gave you the Carp! I expect residuals on your rally carp shirts.
Enough with the ugly rally Carp pictures, it was funny the first time, now…not so funny.
I will look great tomorrow in those hideous cub blue unis
morpheus,
Right after our interns stop looking like this…
Woo hoo! Joke Police has banned the Rally Carp! So it’s now up to me, the Rally, uhm, Muskie!
Hey, wait! I thought the consensus here was that I was kinda cute?
And joke police, I don’t know who made you king, but I ain’t going anywhere!
Rally Carp time!
is Carrie Muskat a dude, or not?
I’m still funny, I’m just overused. Seriously, ask David Kelton, he of the tight pants.
Hey, I’m getting royalties every time the word “Carp” is used in conjunction with Carper’s photo.
Overuse away!
How’s the visibility?
I prefer the Rally Ass.
http://www.iowacubs.com/aspx/news.aspx?id=1974
I’m a big fan of Mark Mulder’s brother Mike. Or is it Fox? I forget.
Ew, I’m overused by David Kelton?? As if! I’m way more of a Sergio Mitre fan — such a hottie!!!!
Damn! I tried hard to get sent down last year, but Dusty and Hendry wouldn’t have any of it.
Oh, how I wanted to sample some Carp.
Jessica,
You better take your hands off the Meat Tray. He’s all mine.
Ladies, I will happily bang both of you.
Rally Ass? That’s what Paulie calls me!
Let the training camp battle for punt returner begin. Berrian, Vasher, Wade, or Leon Johnson.
Andy,
Point taken. That’s one crazy aunt! Kind of makes you wonder… shouldn’t the HR team at Desipio discriminate a little more when hiring?
Thanks, Carp! I owe you one.
Thanks to Rally Carp, I had 3 hits today!
I think the Carp is cute. Will she pose in a two-piece for us? We need to see the goods.