Let's look forward to the Cardinals Methocalypse

[Bort]

Yeah, that was kinda weird, but I'll take the series win.

Now we have an entire off-day to panic about Jake Arrieta, so let's make the most of it.

I'm not at all worried, I'm thrilled he finally had an off day and they won anyway. Now he's good to pitch well for another 15 months

I'm not worried that the Cardinals hit the ball too slow to turn double plays in two different scoring innings. On a day like that you need every good bounce you can get.

INTREPID READER HUEY: STPO STALEING ME BIT!

[ChuckD]

Yeah, that was kinda weird, but I'll take the series win.

Now we have an entire off-day to panic about Jake Arrieta, so let's make the most of it.

I thought his stuff looked really good today. Bucknor's strike zone was ... erratic. That plus some revenge of the BABIP gods = butt clenching victory over Cardinals.

I'm not at all worried, I'm thrilled he finally had an off day and they won anyway. Now he's good to pitch well for another 15 months

I'm not worried that the Cardinals hit the ball too slow to turn double plays in two different scoring innings. On a day like that you need every good bounce you can get.

INTREPID READER HUEY: STPO STALEING ME BIT!

[World's #1 Astros Fan]

Yeah, that was kinda weird, but I'll take the series win.

Now we have an entire off-day to panic about Jake Arrieta, so let's make the most of it.

I thought his stuff looked really good today. Bucknor's strike zone was ... erratic. That plus some revenge of the BABIP gods = butt clenching victory over Cardinals.

I'm not at all worried, I'm thrilled he finally had an off day and they won anyway. Now he's good to pitch well for another 15 months

I'm not worried that the Cardinals hit the ball too slow to turn double plays in two different scoring innings. On a day like that you need every good bounce you can get.

INTREPID READER HUEY: STPO STALEING ME BIT!

[World's #1 Astros Fan]

Also, I had no idea that was my bit...

[Oleg]

Also, I had no idea that was my bit...

It was originally Fork's, right?

[Quality Start Machine]

Also, I had no idea that was my bit...

It was originally Fork's, right?

Indeed.

[Bort]

Also, I had no idea that was my bit...

It was originally Fork's, right?

Indeed.

Then we can safely assume it was stolen from Milton Berle, who stole it from Henny Youngman.

[Quality Start Machine]

Also, I had no idea that was my bit...

It was originally Fork's, right?

Indeed.

Then we can safely assume it was stolen from Milton Berle, who stole it from Henny Youngman.
(pours some Mogen David out for Mel Zetz)

[Quality Start Machine]

Please, just fuck these guys. They're already 4 behind in the loss column to the Cubs, and they are only going to fall further behind.

At this point they're going to have to duke it out for the Seligcard. They don't fucking matter.

No one thinks this is true.

[SKO]

Please, just fuck these guys. They're already 4 behind in the loss column to the Cubs, and they are only going to fall further behind.

At this point they're going to have to duke it out for the Seligcard. They don't fucking matter.

No one thinks this is true.

I don't think anyone was specifically stating that the whole "hey the Cardinals will be stuck competing for the wildcard" part was incorrect, just the "hey why bother even getting pissed off about any inexplicably lucky performances the Cardinals are getting, they don't matter at all anymore" part. There's still a chance they could get in as the wildcard, and then have 29 year old rookie Jehosephat Hanzenbacher go 10-15 with 10 homers as a pinch hitter. Until they are buried we must punch down as hard as possible as frequently as possible.

[Grandmaster Wang]

just the "hey why bother even getting pissed off about any inexplicably lucky performances the Cardinals are getting, they don't matter at all anymore" part. There's still a chance they could get in as the wildcard, and then have 29 year old rookie Jehosephat Hanzenbacher go 10-15 with 10 homers as a pinch hitter. Until they are buried we must punch down as hard as possible as frequently as possible.

I agree, but for me it's more of an "It ALL matters" kind of thing. I'm not ashamed to admit that I'm greedy. If this thing truly is finally happening, and all indications are that it is, I want ALL of it. I want it to be The Season of Fuck for everybody else. All scores settled, all grudges taken out, mudholes stomped in every single fucko. I'm one of those guys who doesn't really even give a shit about the Shite Sox, but I know a lot of Cubs fans do, so I hope they fuck off and die. I want Grichuk to star in the story of a man who gets told to suck it and then gets kicked in the face 20 times. I want to witness Sean Rodriguez sobbing uncontrollably right there on the field. I've got nothing against Jung Ho Kang, but I want Jorge to make orphans of his children. I want them to figure out a way to humiliate Steve Garvey and Will Clark somehow, just for the hell of it. I want it all, even the unimportant shit. I want nine Cubs in the ASG. I want Bryant to unleash a firehose of splooge upon the HR Derby. I want all the goddamn postseason awards. I want David Ross to somehow be named NL ROY. I want Jake to knock Kershaw from a game with a granny to make it 10-0 in the 2nd, and then go ahead and do the perfect game just because fuck them. I want them to pound Dusty's cock in the dirt. I want them to win 135 games with a run differential of +fuckyou. And I want them to do all that while smiling and dancing and acting a fool, blissfully unconcerned with how much they're chapping everybody else's ass. I mean, if you're gonna do it, might as well go full-bore with it. Eat souls. Burn shit down. Let em all go to hell, except Cave 76.

[SKO]

just the "hey why bother even getting pissed off about any inexplicably lucky performances the Cardinals are getting, they don't matter at all anymore" part. There's still a chance they could get in as the wildcard, and then have 29 year old rookie Jehosephat Hanzenbacher go 10-15 with 10 homers as a pinch hitter. Until they are buried we must punch down as hard as possible as frequently as possible.

I agree, but for me it's more of an "It ALL matters" kind of thing. I'm not ashamed to admit that I'm greedy. If this thing truly is finally happening, and all indications are that it is, I want ALL of it. I want it to be The Season of Fuck for everybody else. All scores settled, all grudges taken out, mudholes stomped in every single fucko. I'm one of those guys who doesn't really even give a shit about the Shite Sox, but I know a lot of Cubs fans do, so I hope they fuck off and die. I want Grichuk to star in the story of a man who gets told to suck it and then gets kicked in the face 20 times. I want to witness Sean Rodriguez sobbing uncontrollably right there on the field. I've got nothing against Jung Ho Kang, but I want Jorge to make orphans of his children. I want them to figure out a way to humiliate Steve Garvey and Will Clark somehow, just for the hell of it. I want it all, even the unimportant shit. I want nine Cubs in the ASG. I want Bryant to unleash a firehose of splooge upon the HR Derby. I want all the goddamn postseason awards. I want David Ross to somehow be named NL ROY. I want Jake to knock Kershaw from a game with a granny to make it 10-0 in the 2nd, and then go ahead and do the perfect game just because fuck them. I want them to pound Dusty's cock in the dirt. I want them to win 135 games with a run differential of +fuckyou. And I want them to do all that while smiling and dancing and acting a fool, blissfully unconcerned with how much they're chapping everybody else's ass. I mean, if you're gonna do it, might as well go full-bore with it. Eat souls. Burn shit down. Let em all go to hell, except Cave 76.

I've never wanted to THIS something so hard in the history of this shit for brains fringe messageboard. THIS seems inadequate. I want to vote for this post. I want to engrave it on a mountainside, and then I want that mountain dropped on top of St. Louis.

[Oleg]

just the "hey why bother even getting pissed off about any inexplicably lucky performances the Cardinals are getting, they don't matter at all anymore" part. There's still a chance they could get in as the wildcard, and then have 29 year old rookie Jehosephat Hanzenbacher go 10-15 with 10 homers as a pinch hitter. Until they are buried we must punch down as hard as possible as frequently as possible.

I agree, but for me it's more of an "It ALL matters" kind of thing. I'm not ashamed to admit that I'm greedy. If this thing truly is finally happening, and all indications are that it is, I want ALL of it. I want it to be The Season of Fuck for everybody else. All scores settled, all grudges taken out, mudholes stomped in every single fucko. I'm one of those guys who doesn't really even give a shit about the Shite Sox, but I know a lot of Cubs fans do, so I hope they fuck off and die. I want Grichuk to star in the story of a man who gets told to suck it and then gets kicked in the face 20 times. I want to witness Sean Rodriguez sobbing uncontrollably right there on the field. I've got nothing against Jung Ho Kang, but I want Jorge to make orphans of his children. I want them to figure out a way to humiliate Steve Garvey and Will Clark somehow, just for the hell of it. I want it all, even the unimportant shit. I want nine Cubs in the ASG. I want Bryant to unleash a firehose of splooge upon the HR Derby. I want all the goddamn postseason awards. I want David Ross to somehow be named NL ROY. I want Jake to knock Kershaw from a game with a granny to make it 10-0 in the 2nd, and then go ahead and do the perfect game just because fuck them. I want them to pound Dusty's cock in the dirt. I want them to win 135 games with a run differential of +fuckyou. And I want them to do all that while smiling and dancing and acting a fool, blissfully unconcerned with how much they're chapping everybody else's ass. I mean, if you're gonna do it, might as well go full-bore with it. Eat souls. Burn shit down. Let em all go to hell, except Cave 76.

All the scores get settled.

[ChuckD]

just the "hey why bother even getting pissed off about any inexplicably lucky performances the Cardinals are getting, they don't matter at all anymore" part. There's still a chance they could get in as the wildcard, and then have 29 year old rookie Jehosephat Hanzenbacher go 10-15 with 10 homers as a pinch hitter. Until they are buried we must punch down as hard as possible as frequently as possible.

I agree, but for me it's more of an "It ALL matters" kind of thing. I'm not ashamed to admit that I'm greedy. If this thing truly is finally happening, and all indications are that it is, I want ALL of it. I want it to be The Season of Fuck for everybody else. All scores settled, all grudges taken out, mudholes stomped in every single fucko. I'm one of those guys who doesn't really even give a shit about the Shite Sox, but I know a lot of Cubs fans do, so I hope they fuck off and die. I want Grichuk to star in the story of a man who gets told to suck it and then gets kicked in the face 20 times. I want to witness Sean Rodriguez sobbing uncontrollably right there on the field. I've got nothing against Jung Ho Kang, but I want Jorge to make orphans of his children. I want them to figure out a way to humiliate Steve Garvey and Will Clark somehow, just for the hell of it. I want it all, even the unimportant shit. I want nine Cubs in the ASG. I want Bryant to unleash a firehose of splooge upon the HR Derby. I want all the goddamn postseason awards. I want David Ross to somehow be named NL ROY. I want Jake to knock Kershaw from a game with a granny to make it 10-0 in the 2nd, and then go ahead and do the perfect game just because fuck them. I want them to pound Dusty's cock in the dirt. I want them to win 135 games with a run differential of +fuckyou. And I want them to do all that while smiling and dancing and acting a fool, blissfully unconcerned with how much they're chapping everybody else's ass. I mean, if you're gonna do it, might as well go full-bore with it. Eat souls. Burn shit down. Let em all go to hell, except Cave 76.

[Saul Goodman]

just the "hey why bother even getting pissed off about any inexplicably lucky performances the Cardinals are getting, they don't matter at all anymore" part. There's still a chance they could get in as the wildcard, and then have 29 year old rookie Jehosephat Hanzenbacher go 10-15 with 10 homers as a pinch hitter. Until they are buried we must punch down as hard as possible as frequently as possible.

I agree, but for me it's more of an "It ALL matters" kind of thing. I'm not ashamed to admit that I'm greedy. If this thing truly is finally happening, and all indications are that it is, I want ALL of it. I want it to be The Season of Fuck for everybody else. All scores settled, all grudges taken out, mudholes stomped in every single fucko. I'm one of those guys who doesn't really even give a shit about the Shite Sox, but I know a lot of Cubs fans do, so I hope they fuck off and die. I want Grichuk to star in the story of a man who gets told to suck it and then gets kicked in the face 20 times. I want to witness Sean Rodriguez sobbing uncontrollably right there on the field. I've got nothing against Jung Ho Kang, but I want Jorge to make orphans of his children. I want them to figure out a way to humiliate Steve Garvey and Will Clark somehow, just for the hell of it. I want it all, even the unimportant shit. I want nine Cubs in the ASG. I want Bryant to unleash a firehose of splooge upon the HR Derby. I want all the goddamn postseason awards. I want David Ross to somehow be named NL ROY. I want Jake to knock Kershaw from a game with a granny to make it 10-0 in the 2nd, and then go ahead and do the perfect game just because fuck them. I want them to pound Dusty's cock in the dirt. I want them to win 135 games with a run differential of +fuckyou. And I want them to do all that while smiling and dancing and acting a fool, blissfully unconcerned with how much they're chapping everybody else's ass. I mean, if you're gonna do it, might as well go full-bore with it. Eat souls. Burn shit down. Let em all go to hell, except Cave 76.

I've never wanted to THIS something so hard in the history of this shit for brains fringe messageboard. THIS seems inadequate. I want to vote for this post. I want to engrave it on a mountainside, and then I want that mountain dropped on top of St. Louis.

Without this reply, it would have been TL;DR. I'd like to add all postseason series are sweeps, with a run differential of Cubs x, Opponents 0.