Fuck Zorp You Stathead Turds

[5laky]

I looked through the entire link and did a search and still can't find out what the fuck ZORP is supposed to stand for.

I'm with you guys on the statfags. A friend of a friend of mine claims he can manage a baseball team better than an MLB manager using just Sabremetrics. Then again, he's a Reds fan, so he probably could do a better job than Dustfuck.

Sabremetrics stats are mildly interesting to evaluate for people that realize they're just tools, not a way for computer geeks who've never played baseball to claim they're baseball experts because they wrote a few formulas in an Excel spreadsheet.

This has all the makings of a wonderful day at Desipio.

That is, if you faggots don't go and fuck it all up.

Which you probably will.

Oh yeah? How do you know that? I bet you added up some probabilitizations or something, statfaggot. So, here is some numbers you can understand: you should 100% fuck off, nerd.

What in the world?  What is wrong with you guys?  Listen, statistics can be a beautiful thing and they don't lie.  I thought you guys loved to add and divide.  Remember that time RV taught me to subtract.  NOW, I can't stop doing it!  I think we all just need to step back and realize that math is here to stay.  Personally, I feel a lot---A LOT---better about my cubs manager if he doesn't have to just WATCH the game to figure things out.  Sure, that's ONE way to do it, but what about him looking at the scorebard and seeing that Aramis Ramirez has a lot of homers and saying "that guy has power...he's one of our power hitters...he should hit 4th or somewhere"?  I think that's a plus(ADDITION).  We can all get along.  It's not like some guy's talking about being ghey or something.  We're all dudes in here and out there.

That's some good perspective right there. I'll just add that in all my years I've never seen an Excel formula hit a bases-clearing triple or rub some neosporin on a teammate's infected boil.

Fuck you MATH FUCK ASS.

[TDubbs]

I looked through the entire link and did a search and still can't find out what the fuck ZORP is supposed to stand for.

I'm with you guys on the statfags. A friend of a friend of mine claims he can manage a baseball team better than an MLB manager using just Sabremetrics. Then again, he's a Reds fan, so he probably could do a better job than Dustfuck.

Sabremetrics stats are mildly interesting to evaluate for people that realize they're just tools, not a way for computer geeks who've never played baseball to claim they're baseball experts because they wrote a few formulas in an Excel spreadsheet.

Did you ever throw a bounce pass to a sallaD player?  Faggot.

[Quality Start Machine]

I looked through the entire link and did a search and still can't find out what the fuck ZORP is supposed to stand for.

I'm with you guys on the statfags. A friend of a friend of mine claims he can manage a baseball team better than an MLB manager using just Sabremetrics. Then again, he's a Reds fan, so he probably could do a better job than Dustfuck.

Sabremetrics stats are mildly interesting to evaluate for people that realize they're just tools, not a way for computer geeks who've never played baseball to claim they're baseball experts because they wrote a few formulas in an Excel spreadsheet.

This has all the makings of a wonderful day at Desipio.

That is, if you faggots don't go and fuck it all up.

Which you probably will.

Oh yeah? How do you know that? I bet you added up some probabilitizations or something, statfaggot. So, here is some numbers you can understand: you should 100% fuck off, nerd.

What in the world?  What is wrong with you guys?  Listen, statistics can be a beautiful thing and they don't lie.  I thought you guys loved to add and divide.  Remember that time RV taught me to subtract.  NOW, I can't stop doing it!  I think we all just need to step back and realize that math is here to stay.  Personally, I feel a lot---A LOT---better about my cubs manager if he doesn't have to just WATCH the game to figure things out.  Sure, that's ONE way to do it, but what about him looking at the scorebard and seeing that Aramis Ramirez has a lot of homers and saying "that guy has power...he's one of our power hitters...he should hit 4th or somewhere"?  I think that's a plus(ADDITION).  We can all get along.  It's not like some guy's talking about being ghey or something.  We're all dudes in here and out there. 

You can do all your fucking math and stats while you squat to piss, you fucking latte-drinking Oprah watcher.

[JD]

I looked through the entire link and did a search and still can't find out what the fuck ZORP is supposed to stand for.

I'm with you guys on the statfags. A friend of a friend of mine claims he can manage a baseball team better than an MLB manager using just Sabremetrics. Then again, he's a Reds fan, so he probably could do a better job than Dustfuck.

Sabremetrics stats are mildly interesting to evaluate for people that realize they're just tools, not a way for computer geeks who've never played baseball to claim they're baseball experts because they wrote a few formulas in an Excel spreadsheet.

This has all the makings of a wonderful day at Desipio.

That is, if you faggots don't go and fuck it all up.

Which you probably will.

Oh yeah? How do you know that? I bet you added up some probabilitizations or something, statfaggot. So, here is some numbers you can understand: you should 100% fuck off, nerd.

What in the world?  What is wrong with you guys?  Listen, statistics can be a beautiful thing and they don't lie.  I thought you guys loved to add and divide.  Remember that time RV taught me to subtract.  NOW, I can't stop doing it!  I think we all just need to step back and realize that math is here to stay.  Personally, I feel a lot---A LOT---better about my cubs manager if he doesn't have to just WATCH the game to figure things out.  Sure, that's ONE way to do it, but what about him looking at the scorebard and seeing that Aramis Ramirez has a lot of homers and saying "that guy has power...he's one of our power hitters...he should hit 4th or somewhere"?  I think that's a plus(ADDITION).  We can all get along.  It's not like some guy's talking about being ghey or something.  We're all dudes in here and out there.

That's some good perspective right there. I'll just add that in all my years I've never seen an Excel formula hit a bases-clearing triple or rub some neosporin on a teammate's infected boil.

Yeah, but how did you KNOW it was a triple?  What?  I couldn't hear you.  Yeah. That's right.  Math.  

Circle gets the square root of 64 multiplied by 7 minus 4 equals a win for me and math.  

Fellas, we can argue statistics until we blew in our faces, but it's not gonna change the perplexion of the game as it stands right now.  But, I'll do it if that's what it's gonna take to turn some heads.  It's on like donkey dong.

[Tank]

I looked through the entire link and did a search and still can't find out what the fuck ZORP is supposed to stand for.

I'm with you guys on the statfags. A friend of a friend of mine claims he can manage a baseball team better than an MLB manager using just Sabremetrics. Then again, he's a Reds fan, so he probably could do a better job than Dustfuck.

Sabremetrics stats are mildly interesting to evaluate for people that realize they're just tools, not a way for computer geeks who've never played baseball to claim they're baseball experts because they wrote a few formulas in an Excel spreadsheet.

This has all the makings of a wonderful day at Desipio.

That is, if you faggots don't go and fuck it all up.

Which you probably will.

Oh yeah? How do you know that? I bet you added up some probabilitizations or something, statfaggot. So, here is some numbers you can understand: you should 100% fuck off, nerd.

What in the world?  What is wrong with you guys?  Listen, statistics can be a beautiful thing and they don't lie.  I thought you guys loved to add and divide.  Remember that time RV taught me to subtract.  NOW, I can't stop doing it!  I think we all just need to step back and realize that math is here to stay.  Personally, I feel a lot---A LOT---better about my cubs manager if he doesn't have to just WATCH the game to figure things out.  Sure, that's ONE way to do it, but what about him looking at the scorebard and seeing that Aramis Ramirez has a lot of homers and saying "that guy has power...he's one of our power hitters...he should hit 4th or somewhere"?  I think that's a plus(ADDITION).  We can all get along.  It's not like some guy's talking about being ghey or something.  We're all dudes in here and out there. 

You can do all your fucking math and stats while you squat to piss, you fucking latte-drinking Oprah watcher.

... writes our resident ballroom dancer.

[ChuckD]

I looked through the entire link and did a search and still can't find out what the fuck ZORP is supposed to stand for.

I'm with you guys on the statfags. A friend of a friend of mine claims he can manage a baseball team better than an MLB manager using just Sabremetrics. Then again, he's a Reds fan, so he probably could do a better job than Dustfuck.

Sabremetrics stats are mildly interesting to evaluate for people that realize they're just tools, not a way for computer geeks who've never played baseball to claim they're baseball experts because they wrote a few formulas in an Excel spreadsheet.

This has all the makings of a wonderful day at Desipio.

That is, if you faggots don't go and fuck it all up.

Which you probably will.

Oh yeah? How do you know that? I bet you added up some probabilitizations or something, statfaggot. So, here is some numbers you can understand: you should 100% fuck off, nerd.

Written like a typical limp dick homo.

Well, drop your drawers and reach for the dirt, Charlie.

Daddy's gonna show you a thing or two about linear weights.

Yeah, while you're calculating the best route to invade my butt, I'm gonna be UP IN YOUR FACE.

Punching.

So, add that up! You still wanna go, math wizard?

[Tank]

Yeah, but how did you KNOW it was a triple?  What?  I couldn't hear you.  Yeah. That's right.  Math. 

Who needs math to know a guy ran all the way to left base?

[Quality Start Machine]

I looked through the entire link and did a search and still can't find out what the fuck ZORP is supposed to stand for.

I'm with you guys on the statfags. A friend of a friend of mine claims he can manage a baseball team better than an MLB manager using just Sabremetrics. Then again, he's a Reds fan, so he probably could do a better job than Dustfuck.

Sabremetrics stats are mildly interesting to evaluate for people that realize they're just tools, not a way for computer geeks who've never played baseball to claim they're baseball experts because they wrote a few formulas in an Excel spreadsheet.

This has all the makings of a wonderful day at Desipio.

That is, if you faggots don't go and fuck it all up.

Which you probably will.

Oh yeah? How do you know that? I bet you added up some probabilitizations or something, statfaggot. So, here is some numbers you can understand: you should 100% fuck off, nerd.

What in the world?  What is wrong with you guys?  Listen, statistics can be a beautiful thing and they don't lie.  I thought you guys loved to add and divide.  Remember that time RV taught me to subtract.  NOW, I can't stop doing it!  I think we all just need to step back and realize that math is here to stay.  Personally, I feel a lot---A LOT---better about my cubs manager if he doesn't have to just WATCH the game to figure things out.  Sure, that's ONE way to do it, but what about him looking at the scorebard and seeing that Aramis Ramirez has a lot of homers and saying "that guy has power...he's one of our power hitters...he should hit 4th or somewhere"?  I think that's a plus(ADDITION).  We can all get along.  It's not like some guy's talking about being ghey or something.  We're all dudes in here and out there. 

You can do all your fucking math and stats while you squat to piss, you fucking latte-drinking Oprah watcher.

... writes our resident ballroom dancer.

I go to the ballroom and dance with GIRLS, you fucking ham-slammer.

[ChuckD]

I looked through the entire link and did a search and still can't find out what the fuck ZORP is supposed to stand for.

I'm with you guys on the statfags. A friend of a friend of mine claims he can manage a baseball team better than an MLB manager using just Sabremetrics. Then again, he's a Reds fan, so he probably could do a better job than Dustfuck.

Sabremetrics stats are mildly interesting to evaluate for people that realize they're just tools, not a way for computer geeks who've never played baseball to claim they're baseball experts because they wrote a few formulas in an Excel spreadsheet.

This has all the makings of a wonderful day at Desipio.

That is, if you faggots don't go and fuck it all up.

Which you probably will.

Oh yeah? How do you know that? I bet you added up some probabilitizations or something, statfaggot. So, here is some numbers you can understand: you should 100% fuck off, nerd.

What in the world?  What is wrong with you guys?  Listen, statistics can be a beautiful thing and they don't lie.  I thought you guys loved to add and divide.  Remember that time RV taught me to subtract.  NOW, I can't stop doing it!  I think we all just need to step back and realize that math is here to stay.  Personally, I feel a lot---A LOT---better about my cubs manager if he doesn't have to just WATCH the game to figure things out.  Sure, that's ONE way to do it, but what about him looking at the scorebard and seeing that Aramis Ramirez has a lot of homers and saying "that guy has power...he's one of our power hitters...he should hit 4th or somewhere"?  I think that's a plus(ADDITION).  We can all get along.  It's not like some guy's talking about being ghey or something.  We're all dudes in here and out there.

That's some good perspective right there. I'll just add that in all my years I've never seen an Excel formula hit a bases-clearing triple or rub some neosporin on a teammate's infected boil.

Yeah, but how did you KNOW it was a triple?  What?  I couldn't hear you.  Yeah. That's right.  Math.  

Circle gets the square root of 64 multiplied by 7 minus 4 equals a win for me and math.  

Fellas, we can argue statistics until we blew in our faces, but it's not gonna change the perplexion of the game as it stands right now.  But, I'll do it if that's what it's gonna take to turn some heads.  It's on like donkey dong.

10 things even worse than Alfonso Soriano:

1-9. This post.
10. Communism.

[Saul Goodman]

Excel Spreadsheet
- Can't pull up socks to BALLPLAYER levels
- Can't throw the ball all the way to almost a few feet away from a point twenty yards away from second base
- Can't rub dirt off its uniform
- Can't even WEAR a uniform without some ghey color formula shit
- Can't smile all the time
- Can't get 200 hits!!!!

Juan Pierre
- Can
- Can, barely
- Can
- Can
- Can
- Can

"ADD" THAT UP YOUR ASSHOLES, STATFAGGOTS!

[JD]

Yeah, but how did you KNOW it was a triple?  What?  I couldn't hear you.  Yeah. That's right.  Math. 

Who needs math to know a guy ran all the way to left base?

But without math, then how would you know how many bases he passed to get there.  Plus one.  Because that's where he is and he gets credit for that one, too.  That's pre-algebraic equation stuff that I'm not sure you're ready for since you seem to be a beginner math person.  I'd like to spend some time together alone with you in a private place and teach you some math the old-fashioned way, buddy.  I got a motel room, a chalkboard, 3 pieces of chalk, two fists of math-loving goodness, air, and opportunity.  Make your mark, cowboy, and we'll teach this pony how to fly 3 times as high.  I'll hit you so hard, your ding kong will divide by 6.  Add it all up and this is the Gauntlet.  School is in session and it doesn't let out until 3:20.  P.m.!  

[Quality Start Machine]

Yeah, but how did you KNOW it was a triple?  What?  I couldn't hear you.  Yeah. That's right.  Math. 

Who needs math to know a guy ran all the way to left base?

But without math, then how would you know how many bases he passed to get there.  Plus one.  Because that's where he is and he gets credit for that one, too.  That's pre-algebraic equation stuff that I'm not sure you're ready for since you seem to be a beginner math person.  I'd like to spend some time together alone with you in a private place and teach you some math the old-fashioned way, buddy.  I got a motel room, a chalkboard, 3 pieces of chalk, two fists of math-loving goodness, air, and opportunity.  Make your mark, cowboy, and we'll teach this pony how to fly 3 times as high.  I'll hit you so hard, your ding kong will divide by 6.  Add it all up and this is the Gauntlet.  School is in session and it doesn't let out until 3:20.  P.m.!  

The short guy in the stained shirt was wondering if we could extend for an hour.

[Tank]

Yeah, but how did you KNOW it was a triple?  What?  I couldn't hear you.  Yeah. That's right.  Math. 

Who needs math to know a guy ran all the way to left base?

But without math, then how would you know how many bases he passed to get there.  Plus one.  Because that's where he is and he gets credit for that one, too.  That's pre-algebraic equation stuff that I'm not sure you're ready for since you seem to be a beginner math person.  I'd like to spend some time together alone with you in a private place and teach you some math the old-fashioned way, buddy.  I got a motel room, a chalkboard, 3 pieces of chalk, two fists of math-loving goodness, air, and opportunity.  Make your mark, cowboy, and we'll teach this pony how to fly 3 times as high.  I'll hit you so hard, your ding kong will divide by 6.  Add it all up and this is the Gauntlet.  School is in session and it doesn't let out until 3:20.  P.m.! 

I hope you like hugging.

'Cause I'm coming to see you.

[JD]

I looked through the entire link and did a search and still can't find out what the fuck ZORP is supposed to stand for.

I'm with you guys on the statfags. A friend of a friend of mine claims he can manage a baseball team better than an MLB manager using just Sabremetrics. Then again, he's a Reds fan, so he probably could do a better job than Dustfuck.

Sabremetrics stats are mildly interesting to evaluate for people that realize they're just tools, not a way for computer geeks who've never played baseball to claim they're baseball experts because they wrote a few formulas in an Excel spreadsheet.

This has all the makings of a wonderful day at Desipio.

That is, if you faggots don't go and fuck it all up.

Which you probably will.

Oh yeah? How do you know that? I bet you added up some probabilitizations or something, statfaggot. So, here is some numbers you can understand: you should 100% fuck off, nerd.

What in the world?  What is wrong with you guys?  Listen, statistics can be a beautiful thing and they don't lie.  I thought you guys loved to add and divide.  Remember that time RV taught me to subtract.  NOW, I can't stop doing it!  I think we all just need to step back and realize that math is here to stay.  Personally, I feel a lot---A LOT---better about my cubs manager if he doesn't have to just WATCH the game to figure things out.  Sure, that's ONE way to do it, but what about him looking at the scorebard and seeing that Aramis Ramirez has a lot of homers and saying "that guy has power...he's one of our power hitters...he should hit 4th or somewhere"?  I think that's a plus(ADDITION).  We can all get along.  It's not like some guy's talking about being ghey or something.  We're all dudes in here and out there.

That's some good perspective right there. I'll just add that in all my years I've never seen an Excel formula hit a bases-clearing triple or rub some neosporin on a teammate's infected boil.

Yeah, but how did you KNOW it was a triple?  What?  I couldn't hear you.  Yeah. That's right.  Math.  

Circle gets the square root of 64 multiplied by 7 minus 4 equals a win for me and math.  

Fellas, we can argue statistics until we blew in our faces, but it's not gonna change the perplexion of the game as it stands right now.  But, I'll do it if that's what it's gonna take to turn some heads.  It's on like donkey dong.

10 things even worse than Alfonso Soriano:

1-9. This post.
10. Communism.

I'd love to give you my formula describing why Communism is NOT worse than Soriano OR my post, but you'd probably screw up the parameters with your STUPID FACES.  

AND, according to my calculations, Soriano isn't even THAT good OR bad.  Especially on Wednesdays, when he is perfectly league average in many statistical numbers during day games and slightly LESS SO in night games at home.  Matter of point, if it were me, I would look at his historically best days and play him then.  THEN, I would figure up the same formula for EACH player on the cubs and play said player on the correspondingly BEST days while SITTING him on his historically WORST day of the week.  I would have SET WEEK lineups with positions so there would be no surprised because I have proved numerically that players in set lineup positions do historically better than those that DON'T play everyday.  And I did it all on my laptop calculator with a pen and pencil and ruler and dirty hair grease.  I have a mohawk that's quadratically correct, you caveman.  

Understand my words if not my numbers as Bill James should have said.  

[TDubbs]

Yeah, but how did you KNOW it was a triple?  What?  I couldn't hear you.  Yeah. That's right.  Math. 

Who needs math to know a guy ran all the way to left base?

But without math, then how would you know how many bases he passed to get there.  Plus one.  Because that's where he is and he gets credit for that one, too.  That's pre-algebraic equation stuff that I'm not sure you're ready for since you seem to be a beginner math person.  I'd like to spend some time together alone with you in a private place and teach you some math the old-fashioned way, buddy.  I got a motel room, a chalkboard, 3 pieces of chalk, two fists of math-loving goodness, air, and opportunity.  Make your mark, cowboy, and we'll teach this pony how to fly 3 times as high.  I'll hit you so hard, your ding kong will divide by 6.  Add it all up and this is the Gauntlet.  School is in session and it doesn't let out until 3:20.  P.m.!  

I'm interested in this session.  Couple questions, however . .
1.  Do I need to provide my own ding kong?
2.  Am I bringing the Jolly Ranchers?
3.  If my mommy can't pick me up until 4:45, can we just chillax until she gets there?
4.  When is this free weekend?  
5.  How much does it cost?